Page 9 of Desirous

Just as I get to the point where I’m ready to admit I broke a central rule in the contract, Maria says, “I know you want to believe in people. I saw that the first time we met at CK, butMurphy’s need to have his stomach pumped is proof that she did it. I hate to admit it too because I liked her, but it is what it is.”

How terribly fucking Zen of Maria to distill the whole issue down to those five empty words.

Shaking my head at how dense this woman can be, I continue to defend Kat and admit my guilt. “No, it isn’t proof that she did anything. When we left that day, the dish was fine. Whoever came here that night to tamper with it couldn’t have been Kat because she was at my place all night. She isn’t the person who poisoned Murphy, and she shouldn’t be punished for that. It’s not fair, and she should be brought back on the show.”

When I finish confessing what we did, I wait for the two producers to exact their punishment as they should. I broke the rules, and I deserve what I get.

Maria simply stares at me in shock for a long moment while Shane hums beside me like he’s trying to decide the right words to let me know I’m off the show. There’s no need for him to worry. I know what I did went against that clause in my contract. I don’t care. I don’t regret being with Kat either.

The only thing I regret is not being the kind of man I should have been when they accused her of poisoning Murphy.

Once more, Shane gives me a man hug with his arm around my shoulders and says, “Well, we appreciate your honesty, Alex. I think that’s going to be one of the many reasons viewers love you on this show.”

“Oh, yes!” Maria chimes in. “Viewers of shows like this love when contestants show their honesty and vulnerability.”

What? Didn’t they hear what I said? Maybe I need to make it clear what I did.

I twist out of Shane’s hold again and confess my crime in the most basic way possible. “I don’t think you’re hearing me right. I was with Kat, as in she stayed at my place all night because we were together. That’s fraternizing, and although I probablyshould have remembered that before anything happened between us, I can’t go on without admitting it.”

Finally, Shane seems to understand what I’m saying. He hums for a long moment before asking, “So are you and Kat a couple now?”

Since I’m trying to be honest here, I decide to admit the truth about that too. “No. She can’t forgive me for not telling you the truth that day, but now that I have, at least I can know I did the right thing, even if it was after the fact.”

I wait for the two of them to tell me to get my things and leave because I’m off the show. Instead, Maria’s eyes open wide, and she gives me a big smile like I’ve done something good.

“I love this man’s style! Don’t you, Shane? Thank you for being honest, Alex, but that just makes us want you on the show more. I’m glad you got that off your chest. Now we can tell you what we were talking about when you walked over.”

My mouth drops open in shock as I try to think of a way to get the truth through to her, but it’s no use. She and Shane look at me like I’m the best thing they’ve ever seen, which makes no sense, but nothing they do seems to make sense to me.

“So here’s what we came up with,” Shane says, completely ignoring everything I just confessed to in the past few minutes. “You need a romantic storyline now that yours blew up last week, so we’ve decided you and Emma will share one. What do you think?”

I stand there trying to find any words that don’t involve asking both of them if they’re stupid, but since I can’t locate any in my brain, I just nod. What is there to say? I came on this damn show to cook, and once more, these two people seem hell bent on focusing on anything but making goddamned food.

“We think viewers will really take to you and Emma!” Maria squeals. “Even more than you and Kat, so don’t worry. Everything’s going to work out great!”

So much for the people watching this show loving my honesty. I guess they’ll have to settle for my pretending to like someone who isn’t the woman I care about.

“I guess. Thanks.”

I don’t know what else to say, so as they huddle together happy as clams at their brilliant idea to pair me with yet another female on this show about anything but cooking, I make my way over to my station. Other contestants begin to come onto the set, and while I still have a few free moments, I check my phone to see if Kat’s returned any of my calls or texts.

Nothing.

I sigh in frustration, wishing she’d give me just one chance to explain things to her. I even tried to do the right thing here today, and what was my reward? Having to pretend to be crazy about Emma.

At least she’s not terrible. Kat seemed to like her. She was kind to her more than once, so that says something about Emma.

Stuffing my phone into my pants pocket, I look up to see her grinning from ear to ear as she talks to Shane and Maria. At least she seems pleased by the news that she has to playact like we’re a couple.

Then a horrible thought occurs to me. If Kat watches this show, she’ll have to see me with her. Fuck.

Maybe she won’t watch it. It’s highly likely that she won’t since I’m sure she has nothing but bad feelings about it. And me, of course.

Then again, what if she watches to see if I get my ass handed to me in the competition? Then she’ll be treated to my fake romance with Emma.

Fuck and more fuck.

Mired in misery, I don’t see my new bogus love interest come over and stand next to me until she taps me on the shoulder.Turning to look at her, I see she’s more than happy about the new arrangement.

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