Page 24 of Desirous

“Oh, I get it. You told them, but since you’re the golden boy, they didn’t care. In fact, they wanted to reward you for your honesty by giving you a romantic storyline with Emma. How very nice for you, Alex March. Tell me, how was I wrong about you in the first place?”

I feel tears beginning to sting the back of my eyes, but I will not cry here in this office in the finest restaurant in town where this man works and is probably loved by everyone here. I won’t let him see how much all that’s happened between us hurts me.

“Listen to me, please. I don’t know why they didn’t throw me off the show. I was prepared for them to do that. I would have gladly left since now that you aren’t there it isn’t anything but bullshit fake nonsense. But I did tell them the entire truth. I know you didn’t poison anyone.”

Pushing hard against his chest, I try to get him away from me, but he doesn’t budge. So I step back because him standing so near to me is fucking with my ability to stay angry.

He comes with me, though, staring down into my eyes with so much kindness in his that I want to believe him. I can’t, though. I saw what happens when you fall for Alex March.

“How do you know I didn’t do it? We barely know each other. It’s not like we have a long history together. We’ve known each other for just over a week, for God’s sake. I guess a day or two longer if you count our meeting at Club X, but we aren’t close. I mean, clearly you aren’t that lost without me since you’re out there having a grand old time with Emma, right?”

Alex takes my hands in his and holds them tightly, like he’s afraid if he doesn’t keep me right there I’ll disappear from his life completely. “I can’t tell you how I know. I just do, Kat. And no, we haven’t known each other for long, but there’s something about you that makes me feel like we’ve known one anotherfor a lifetime. That’s why I kept texting and came over to your apartment. I feel like something important has been taken away from my world, and I want it back.”

I look down at my hands and try to decipher what he means by all of that. “So what are you saying? You know things because of what? Some secret ability that makes you think you understand me? Because you don’t. Someone like you could never really get someone like me.”

“That’s not true. You and I are alike in a lot of ways, and for the first time in my life, I felt like I could be truly myself. I never realized all those other times I was with women that there could be anything more than just the physical, but with you, I found that extra thing. It’s not some secret ability. It’s the way you made me feel when you smiled at me or laughed at something I said. No other woman has ever made me want the things you did.”

I so wish what he’s saying could be true, but I’m the kind of person the Alex Marches of the world walk over on their way to the top. The kind of woman who gets pushed aside for others or a million dollars.

Yanking my hands from his hold, I turn away as the tears become too much to hold back. “Do you know when I had to return to work that I was demoted because I was thrown off that show? You’re now looking at the salad prep at Frederick’s instead of one of the chefs. And yes, that comes with a decrease in my salary, just in case you’re wondering. That’s the cherry on top of the past week I’ve had. When have you ever had to deal with anything like that, Mr. We’re So Alike?”

He's silent for a long moment as I will the tears to go away so I don’t look like some pathetic thing standing here in front of him. He has no clue how much I wish we were alike. Maybe then I wouldn’t be sitting at the bar watching him on a date while I try to figure out a way to feel good about my life again.

“I’m sorry. That’s not right. I’d never do that to any of my chefs here. I wish you didn’t have to deal with that.”

It’s stupid, but somehow him saying he would never do that to the people he works with makes any control I have evaporate. The tears come, even as I wish they wouldn’t, and I cover my face with my hands, ashamed of how sad I must look.

“Please don’t say anything else. It’s bad enough that’s my reality. I don’t want your pity too,” I say through the sobs.

He pulls me to him and wraps his strong arms around me, and for a tiny moment in time, I am the happiest version of myself that’s ever existed. I feel safe and cared for like never before.

Above me, he remains quiet while I cry against his chest until he whispers, “It’s not pity. I swear. It’s what someone who cares says when they hear you’ve had a bad day.”

Tilting my head back, I see him looking down at me and don’t notice any pity in his expression. Maybe he’s telling the truth.

But that doesn’t change what he did.

“Why didn’t you speak up and tell Maria and Shane the truth when everything happened?”

His face twists into a scowl, and I don’t know if it’s for me or the memory of what he did. Turning his head, he avoids my gaze when he answers, “I don’t know. I should have. I knew it as soon as I saw your face.”

“I lost everything because of what you didn’t do. How can I ever forget that?”

Alex lets his hands fall from around me and steps back just as the office door flies open. The man I assume is one of the owners barges in looking flustered and angry.

“Alex, what the hell is going on? Why are you in here when that beautiful woman is sitting out at that table all by herself and that cameraman is walking around my restaurant like he’s looking for something?”

“Dad, not now.”

The man with the dark hair and crystal blue eyes who doesn’t look like Alex turns to face me. For a second, he doesn’t react, but then a slow smile lights up his expression.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t realize Alex wasn’t in here alone.” Extending his hand, he says, “I’m Cassian March, Alex’s father and one of the owners here.”

I shake his hand and try to keep my emotions in check as I say, “Hi. I’m Kat Truesdale. I’m…”

Unsure how to finish that statement since I’m not sure what I am to Alex, I hesitate and then finally say, “I’m just leaving. It was nice to meet you, Cassian.”

Before Alex can catch me, I rush out, embarrassed and sad because what I told Alex was true. I don’t know how I can forget what he did or forgive him.

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