Page 19 of Desirous

“Did you cheat on her? I know you don’t think of it as cheating since you’re never exclusive, but I’ve learned a lot since I’ve been with Hailey, and oddly enough, women always have a problem with other women being in the picture. It wasn’t the threesome, was it? That would make someone mad.”

“No, it wasn’t cheating,” I admit as I sit down across from him again.

“Then what the hell did you do?” Cade asks in frustration, clearly tired of my beating around the bush.

It’s just that actually admitting I was such a shit, even to my best friend who knows all the bad parts of me, isn’t easy. I’m not exactly proud of what I did.

“I had a choice to make, and I made the wrong one.”

Cade levels a look of pure impatience on me and grimaces. “Women always accept your apologies, man. I think you might be overthinking this a bit. But I can’t help here if you don’t give me specifics. Trust me. I’ve seen you do some pretty wild shit, Alex. I doubt you could shock me. So hit me with it. What did you do that was so terrible that this woman never wants to see you again?”

Swallowing hard, I try to come up with a way to tell him about how bad I fucked up but there’s no prettying this up. I was an asshole. No ifs, ands, or buts about it.

“A dish she made with me turned out to make another contestant sick. The producers accused her of intentionally trying to poison him, but that’s impossible since she and I were together at my place when it supposedly happened. If I had told them that, they may have kept her on the show, although to be honest I’m not even sure of that anymore since I eventually told them the truth and they didn’t care. But I didn’t say a word because I didn’t want to lose my chance at the million dollars. She got kicked off the show, and now she can’t forgive me for not speaking up and defending her.”

He doesn’t say a word for a long time, simply shaking his head as he silently condemns me. I deserve it. I should have said something when they accused her, something that would have proven she couldn’t have come back to the studio that night and poisoned anything.

Finally, he shrugs and says, “Sounds like you wanted the money more than you wanted her.”

“Thanks. That helps a lot.”

“I’m just stating the obvious. So go find another one. You’ve never had a problem with that. Find another one to forget this one.”

Jesus, is he not fucking listening?

“What if I said that about Hailey when you fucked up with her?” I snap, jumping up out of my seat to walk away before we get into a damn fistfight over this.

My outburst surprises him into silence for a few minutes, but after a while, he walks over to where I’m standing looking out at the water. “What are you saying? Are you saying you care about her? Are you in love with her?”

Every word comes out of his mouth on a wave of disbelief, like even my best friend can’t believe I could actually care for a woman like that. Am I truly only a hedonistic manwhore? Doesn’t Cade, of all people, believe I’m capable of truly caring for a woman?

But then again, I guess it’s not that surprising. I’ve never talked about anyone like this before.

I look over at him and see him waiting for my answer. “I don’t know. I’ve never loved anyone before.”

He glances up and down like he’s inspecting me for some evidence of caring and shakes his head. “Sad, lost, and it looks like you haven’t slept well in days. Looks like love to me.”

“I thought love made people happy, made them glow.”

Cade laughs in my face. “Only in the movies. Real life love doesn’t look anything like that. So what are you going to do?”

“She won’t even answer my texts. I tried calling too, and I even went over to her apartment. She won’t talk to me.”

“You sure you love this woman? She seems immune to your charms. I never pictured the person you’d end up with would be able to deny the one thing that never fails for you.”

I roll my eyes in disgust. “Christ, Cade, you’re not helpful at all. I’m trying to figure out what to do, and you’re talking about the one thing she hates about me. Actually, she hates everything about me now, but I don’t think she’s ever been crazy about my charm.”

“Fine. Here’s the reality. You can either forget her and move on or do whatever it takes to win her back. Those are your choices. Sorry if that’s not helpful.”

I stare out at the water and sigh. He’s right. There is no third choice. I just don’t know what to do to get her to see I deserve another chance.

CHAPTER NINE

Alex

I checkmy phone to see if Kat texted back after my last message but see nothing. Maybe she hasn’t seen it yet. That could be possible, right?

After talking to Cade this morning, I took his advice to heart. Either I forget her, or I fight for her. There’s nothing else I can do.

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