Page 33 of Sensuous

“It’s not that it’s you. It’s just that it didn’t work in my mind. Then they told me the show isn’t really about cooking at all, so I walked out.”

“I’m sorry, Alex. I bet you wouldn’t have been so eager to leave the show if I hadn’t been so rude to you from the beginning.”

“I’m thinking I’m going to go back.”

“Still, you didn’t deserve that. My problems with you aren’t with you at all. I know that, but I let my jealousy get the best of me.”

Right before my eyes, Kat blossoms into a different person. One who doesn’t seem as defensive as every time before this. I like this person.

“Trying to please your parents can be a hard thing. I know that. I’ve been lucky as the younger son to parents who didn’t think they’d ever be able to have children, but my cousin Cade is a lot like you. He wanted his father’s approval for years, and in actuality he had it all along, but he didn’t see it. So he always felt like shit. In fact, I bet there were times he hated me for not having to deal with that.”

She tries to smile, but it doesn’t work. “You know, it usually just sits in the background and doesn’t really come up into the light until my father and I are together, but the moment I saw you, all those feelings of inadequacy came rushing back until all I felt was rage. I am sorry, though. You did nothing to deserve all the nastiness I threw your way. You can’t help it you’re perfect.”

I laugh at that ridiculously incorrect assessment of me. “Perfect? You’ve got to be kidding. Trust me. I’m not perfect. Not by a long shot.”

Kat looks at me with pure disbelief. “Please. I know you have mirrors in this condo, Alex. And the fact that the producers of the show came to you while the rest of us had to try out to get on Chef on Chef. And I bet you can think of a million other things if you try hard enough. You’re that guy in high school who had everything going for him. Since you didn’t die in some tragic accident, something that seems to happen a lot to the golden boys, you get to live a perfect life.”

“That’s a cheery thought.”

She finally smiles, and it lights up her entire face, making her even more beautiful than usual. “I don’t make the rules for thechosen ones in this world. I merely know them. You’re one of those guys. Ten to one, when you go to your high school reunion in a couple years, every woman there will want you and every guy will want to be you.”

I roll my eyes, even as I imagine my graduating class and can’t deny I’d like to have that happen if I ever attend one of the reunions. I didn’t bother with the five year, but if the ten-year reunion is going to be like Kat is describing, I might be willing to carve out some time.

“Well, since I’ve let you analyze me, now it’s my turn. You aren’t exactly a slacker in the looks department, so I’m thinking you know something about people judging you for how beautiful you are.”

A pinkish blush colors her cheeks, but she shakes her head like she disagrees with me. “You don’t have to be nice. No matter what I look like, my personality chases people away, so no one is hating me for being beautiful. Trust me on that.”

“Well, maybe you should show them how sweet you are. I had no idea you were this nice until tonight. Hell, I nearly crushed your foot in the door to get away from you.”

The second I finish saying that I see hurt wash over her face, so I quickly add, “Sorry, that came out wrong.”

“No, I deserved that. I was rotten from the start, and you had every right not to want to hear what I had to say. Thank you for not crushing my foot in the door, though. I only have two, and I need them both.”

I point at her and say, “That right there. You should show people that side of you more.”

Kat shakes her head. “I don’t know if I can.”

“Well, you’re doing it right now, and I’ve been your nemesis since the moment we met. I’m sure you could be really sweet and funny with a perfect stranger,” I say with a smile.

The conversation trails off, and as I sit there in silence with Kat in my favorite room in my place, I can’t help but realize that I’ve never been here and simply talked with any woman. If I bring someone back to my place, my goal isn’t to talk, and it isn’t to cook. It’s to fuck, plain and simple.

“I think it’s really incredible that you love cooking so much that you created your perfect kitchen, and you actually cook in it. I can’t tell you how many people I’ve worked with in restaurants who never eat at home because they’re so sick of the kitchen at work.”

Walking over to the refrigerator, I ask her, “Do you want something to drink? I have beer. I might have something else my brother brought over when he was staying here a while back, but I can’t promise it will be any good after all this time.”

Kat gets up from her seat at the table and walks over to the counter on the other side of the room. “No, I’m good. I should probably go. Are you going to come back to the show? I promise to be my lovely, sweet self if you do.”

“Well, I guess I can’t say no then. I don’t know if they’re going to stick with the romantic story of me wanting you, though. Are you okay with that?” I ask, no longer bothered by the idea of having to act like I care about her.

She blushes again, and I can’t help but think it’s charming. “I’m not sure any woman would say no to two men wanting her, although between you and me, I could do without Marco and his handsy business.”

“Then it’s settled. I’ll go back. I am going to try to make them focus on cooking as much as possible, though.”

“Okay. Good. Well, I better go. Thanks for hearing me out.”

She hurries out of the kitchen before I have a chance to say another word, and by the time I catch up to her at the front door, she’s practically in the hallway. I don’t know what I said to make her run off like that. I thought we were getting along.

“Hey, what’s wrong? We were having a nice time, and then all of a sudden, it was like I had the plague and you couldn’t get away from me fast enough,” I ask her as she tries to open the locked door.

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