Page 18 of Sensuous

Kat

On my wayonto the set, Maria catches me and pulls me off to the side in the hallway. She looks thrilled about something, so I hope that bodes well for me.

“I wanted to make sure to tell you that Shane and I spoke to Alex last night, and he’s all in on what we talked about yesterday. He actually sounded pretty enthusiastic about it, so I think you two are going to give viewers a great storyline.”

Terrific.

“Oh, that’s great,” I say far less eagerly than I’m sure Alex sounded when he heard we’d be fighting more. “Hey, I was wondering what you and Shane think I’m a natural at. He mentioned me being a natural yesterday at the end of our talk and you agreed, but I wasn’t sure what he meant.”

Maria taps my shoulder and gives me a big, toothy smile. “Conflict, of course. You’re perfect for it. Shows like this run on conflict, so you’re going to be great!”

God, that’s not what I wanted to hear this morning. Who wants to be around anyone who’s perfect at conflict?

“Oh. I guess. Why, though?” I press, needing to hear I’m something more than a bitch or a shrew.

But Maria gives me an answer that only makes me feel worse, not better. “Because you’re so serious, and that always makes for great conflict with someone who’s so calm and happy-go-lucky.”

I can feel my face falling with every syllable that leaves her mouth. “So Alex is happy-go-lucky and I’m serious?”

“Exactly! You’re perfect together, the absolute foils of one another, so that makes great conflict. We’re all so happy we found this out on day one because it makes our jobs so much easier.”

How nice that I made the producers’ jobs easier with my serious personality to go up against Mr. Happy Good Times.

“I need to run now, but don’t worry, Kat. You two are going to make great TV together!”

As she hurries off, I mumble, “Glad I could help.”

Except glad is the last thing I am. Once more, all I feel is miserable. I don’t want to be Alex March’s serious foil. He gets to be Good Time Charlie, and I get to be dour-faced and bitchy. Why the hell would I ever be happy about that?

My stomach twists into a tight knot like every time my boss watches me work and then gives promotions to everyone else but me. I had so hoped this reality show would be fun, but now it’s the same misery as my regular job. I should just drop out right now and spare myself more heartache.

As I stand there staring at the floor and willing my feet to move toward the door to leave, the man himself walks up to me. So much taller than I am, he naturally looks down on me just because of his height.

When he doesn’t say anything for a few moments, it’s all I can do to not push him away and run out the door. Instead, I look up into his dark eyes and swear I see pity.

Fuck him. Hating me is one thing. Thinking I’m a bitch or a shrew I can deal with. But pitying me is something I won’t let him have.

“What do you want?” I say as sharply as I can.

“You looked unhappy standing here. I thought I’d see if there was anything wrong,” he says in a low voice, likely not wanting anyone to hear him being nice to me.

I’m the enemy. He’s not supposed to be kind to the likes of me. Where would our beloved conflict go if he did that?

“Nothing’s wrong, so just keep moving on.”

Something like hurt fills his eyes, momentarily making me wish I didn’t snap at him like that. Then he opens his mouth again, and I’m thankful I didn’t let myself be nice.

“You know, you don’t have to be a bitch every moment of the day. I get what you’re doing so you can win this whole thing, but that doesn’t have to be who you are when the cameras are off and nobody else is around.”

“You think I dislike you for the cameras? Think again, Mr. Happy-Go-Lucky. I dislike you and all people who get everything handed to them. I’d be all smiles too if my life was perfect, but it isn’t, so…”

I don’t finish that statement because it feels too personal. It makes me feel too vulnerable in front of him.

Thankfully, he doesn’t care enough about me or my life to stick around and walks away when another contestant comes toward us. Alone again, I push down my desire to run away and follow them onto the set, determined to win this competition and get the million-dollar prize so I can have my own restaurant all to myself.

When I get to my station, I see Emma ready to begin the day. She gives me a kind smile, and I try to find one for her too. She’s the only one who’s made an effort to be kind to me so far, so Idon’t want to alienate her too. I may seem as if I love conflict, but the real me likes when others think well of me.

Then a horrible thought occurs to me. What if the producers decide Emma and I should be enemies like they have with Alex and me? I’d hate it if I had to fight with her just for the sake of conflict on some TV show.

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