Page 22 of Sensuous

“The audience likes to watch good looking people. That’s why everyone here is attractive in one way or another. You just happen to be the total package. Trust me, Alex. We’re going to make it worth your while.”

I shake my head as she continues to talk, done with all of this. Before she finishes, I stand up to leave. “No thanks. I didn’t sign up for this nonsense.”

Enough is enough. I should have followed my gut in the first place. I knew this was a mistake from the moment I met these people at CK that night. This is what I get for not trusting myself.

An hour later,I’ve driven around getting more disgusted by the minute. I should have never let everyone else talk me into doing the show. I’m a chef. I’m not an actor or even someone who pretends very well. Let the rest of those people fight it outfor the prize money. My peace of mind is worth more to me than the million-dollar prize.

By three p.m., I’m tired of beating myself up for being stupid and thinking a cooking reality show would actually be about cooking, so I head toward Club X to find Cade. He’ll bust my balls about bailing on the show, but at least that will take my mind off being miserable about it.

I walk into the club and see it looks just like it always does in the daytime. It always surprises me how stark it appears when the lights aren’t dimmed and the place isn’t filled with people having a good time.

Nobody seems to be at work yet, so I call out Cade’s name but hear nothing back. He’s probably in the office, so I head there.

Stefan sits behind his desk mumbling something at his laptop, but his expression brightens when he sees me. “Alex, what are you doing here?”

“Nice to see you too, Stefan,” I joke as I walk into the office.

“You know what I mean. I don’t usually see you before the night is well underway. Oh, yeah. You’re doing that reality show, so you aren’t at the restaurant. How’s that going?”

Not wanting to have my entire family know the cooking show turned out to be a total failure, I casually shrug like it’s no big deal. If I let Stefan know what happened, then everyone with the last name March and Jackson will know. I don’t want to be fielding questions from my parents especially, so better to keep what happened between me and Cade.

“You know how it is.”

That’s my standard answer whenever anyone in my family asks about anything I don’t want to talk about. He accepts it like everyone else always does and nods like he understands.

“I came looking for Cade. Is he late today?”

Stefan shakes his head. “He’s off. I’m guessing if you want to find him, try his apartment or the bakery. I believe he toldme Hailey had something going on today, but I can’t remember what right now. Do you want me to call him and let him know you’re here?”

I wave off his offer, not needing to see my friend that badly to interrupt his day with his girlfriend. “No, it’s okay. I’ll catch up with him sooner or later.”

As I turn to leave, Stefan asks, “Is everything okay? You don’t seem like your usual self today.”

“Oh yeah. I’m fine. Just tired. This reality show stuff is exhausting,” I lie.

That’s only a half-truth, though. This entire Chef on Chef business has been draining, but mostly I’m not myself because I’m disappointed it turned out so badly.

I drive around for another hour, not wanting to go home but not knowing where to go until I find myself in the parking lot of CK. As I walk into the building, I realize how much I’ve missed being here doing what I do best.

Cooking. Not acting like I hate or love someone I don’t give a damn about. Not dealing with drama and bullshit. Just making food people love.

Before I reach the kitchen, my father sees me and corrals me into his office. “I didn’t expect to see you here today, Alex. Are you done for the day with the cooking show? How’s that going?”

I debate whether or not to tell him what happened with the show, but he’s going to find out soon enough anyway, so when I sit down, I decide to come clean.

“That turned out to not be for me, Dad. Lots of bullshit. Definitely not my style.”

His hopeful expression disappears, replaced by one full of disappointment. “Oh, I’m sorry to hear that. I had high expectations for you with that. What happened?”

As much as I believe I have valid reasons for leaving the show, I suspect my father won’t agree. While Cassian March isn’texactly the king of drama, he doesn’t shy away from it when it happens with other people. I doubt he’d understand how much all of that acting and no focus on actual cooking bothered me.

So I do what I always do with my family. I lie.

“I didn’t think it was professional enough to be associated with, especially since my name is attached to this restaurant. I would never want to do anything to tarnish CK’s reputation, Dad. I hope you know that.”

My father is easy to get around. The mere mention of professionalism is all it takes to escape any real discussion of issues because it’s the cornerstone of who he is and what he believes in, not only here at the restaurant but in his personal life too. I learned that early on, so whenever I didn’t want to do anything growing up, I just made sure to say it didn’t seem professional. Back then, I used words like respectable or proper, but it’s all the same idea.

If he or most of the people in the March and Jackson clan knew how little I cared about respectability and proper behavior, they’d know anytime I throw those words out is a smokescreen to avoid talking about an issue. Hell, there was nothing respectable or proper about last night with Kitty and Piper, but like most other things in my life, my family doesn’t need to know about that.

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