Page 86 of Embracing the Dark Side

Adrik clenched the steering wheel. He had no reason to say no.

Expect one fucking distraction that wouldn’t get out of his head.

Jolie had left a scar on his brain, and she was all he could see. The way she ran from him, the way she screamed, the disgust in her eyes, and the hate in her words—all of it was a flashing light, blinding him.

Adrik slapped a hand on the steering wheel. It was hatred for her and hatred for himself, all intermixing into a giant ball that sat on his chest making breathing painful. He despised her for only seeing the good in him and he despised himself for not being the good she deserved.

Now, there was regret on top of everything else. He lost her, like he always knew he would.

Adrik was tired of losing. He needed a fucking break. He needed a fucking win.

It was time to go to Russia. Staying here caused him to relive every moment with Alexei, Gil, Yakov, and Helina—four people who had left his life in the last three months—four people who worked as his arms, legs, heart, and brain. How could anyone expect him to be normal? How could his mother think there was anything left of him at all? How could Jolie believe he could remain sober and mentally and emotionally available?

Distancing himself was the only solution. Russia would rehabilitate him. His daughter, the only one of the four missing pieces that he could actually get back, was now the top priority. Getting her back and killing Katia would restore the peace in his life. It had been the most obvious answer and, yet had gone unseen for too long because anger had consumed him. Now, he would make up for his mistake.

Adrik stopped at a red light. Home was straight ahead, only four more miles. But above him was a green sign for Orlando, pointing left. The quiet reverberated in his ears, and he could hear the thumping of his heart increase every passing second he stared at it. He willed his hand still, willed his foot frozen. His fingers played with the ring at his neck, a constant reminder of his brother, and in the harsh silence, Alexei’s voice echoed.

If he went back home to an empty house, to an empty bed, the desire to snort a dime of snow would be overwhelming. He’d lose the battle he’s been fighting. Even with the mixture of morphine, weed, an antidepressant, and anti-addiction medication, he couldn’t completelycut off his fall. It was there, on the back of his tongue, begging for more. It would overtake him and destroy him slowly from the inside out, making death desirable.

A text message pulled him from his thoughts, and he took out his phone. Uncle Yefim had sent him a subtle warning.‘Marriage to Marsha Moskal will bring our family back to where it was. You have an obligation, and I hope you know that. Have a successful trip. When you get back, we will finalize the contract.’

In such short words, Adrik’s future was planned. A wife he didn’t know, a marriage that would be meaningless and loveless, and kids that would be more an obligation than a want. He would walk in his father’s shoes like Yakov had been planning since he took Alexei’s spot. The world would remain the same, and Helina would be offered as a piece of property to gain him more allies that he despised. He could have everything he needed, and life would be easy.

But it wouldn’t be what he wanted.

Adrik didn’t wait for a green light to turn.

Chapter forty-two

Choice

“Do you hear what the preacher is saying?” Jolie’s mother gripped her hand and leaned in. “God wants you out of that life. You have a purpose, darling, and He wants you to find it.”

Jolie smiled and nodded, but when her mother looked away, her smile fell, and she stared sightlessly at the stage. None of the preacher’s words were reaching her. She was deaf, unable to get out of her head, to unsee the blood and the damage done to Vincent. To unhear his screams. To no longer feel what it was like cutting into his skin.

Jolie jolted up and quickly announced she was going to the bathroom before she bolted out the door and down the hall. A guard was on her heels, a shadow, no more use to her than a mannequin. He probably didn’t even speak English. She thought about screaming at him, but what good would it do? It was Adrik she wanted to scream at.

Jolie sat on the toilet in the stall, with her head between her legs, sucking in wild breaths. A panic attack ransacked her body. Her hands braced against the walls and the pressure of gravity pressed on her back. Her breaths were wild and loud, and it attracted a passerby. “Ma’am, are you okay? Do you want me to get help?”

Jolie focused on swallowing. “No, I’m fine. Just leave me alone.” As an afterthought, she added, “Thank you.” Just because her life was falling apart didn’t mean she had to lash out at an innocent bystander.

It took ten minutes to calm herself enough to get up. She would make some excuse about stomach problems. It would cover why she undoubtedly looked terrible. She held onto the doors, walking weak and tired to the sink. Jolie leaned her face close to the water. The cold liquid was refreshing against her swollen eyes.

I have to stop this,she told herself. Misery wasn’t the answer to her problems. She needed to move on. Perhaps the only way to do so would be to tell Agent Mally the truth. She knew where Vincent was. She could save him. She could put Adrik away, and he’d never be able to hurt anyone again.

But could she do that? Could she put a second boyfriend in prison?

A cruel God. Or a just one?Jolie didn’t know which.

She dared to look at herself in the mirror. Her brows knitted at the sticky note against it.

Jolie’s heart pounded in her chest, and her fingers shook as she reached for it. She didn’t want it to be him, and yet she wanted nothing else. It was a cluster of confusion in her chest and head. She pulled it from the mirror and read the word. ‘Stay.’ Her lip trembled, and she clenched her teeth, sadness and anger colliding. She hated Adrik for coming back. She hated him for reaching out. But in the back of her mind, in the terrible darkness that existed, there was relief. She needed closure. She couldn't go another five years with such a heavy burden on her shoulders.

Jolie exited the bathroom, searching. To the left, she found another guard, and Jolie slowly went down the hallway. It was quiet in the back, the speakers from the sermon slowly fading as she went further from the front. Another guard was waiting for her at a private office, and he opened the door for her.

She remained in the hallway for ten unsteady breaths before she stepped inside.

Adrik sat behind a desk. The pastor’s name was written on a plate in the front. A picture of his wife and family was on the left and a computer on the right. Adrik had his feet up, his clasped hands resting on his belly. His ice-blue eyes stared at her.

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