Page 97 of Broken Grump

The girls both cheer and run off.

“Stay close!” Addie yells after them.

When we catch up, Luna goes for pistachio, and her friend elects for banana.

Banana ice cream? What in the world?

The silent judging on Luna’s face mirrors my own. But she doesn’t say anything—as she, too, was raised well.

As they happily lick on their cones ahead of us, Addie and I walk behind. While Luna’s forgiveness was somewhat easily obtained, I already knew her mother would be a harder sell.

“I am sorry, you know. Deeply.”

“I know.” She faces forward and doesn’t so much as glance my way.

“No, Addie.” I stop and grab her arm. She resists, but eventually faces me. “It will never happen again.”

“I’ve heard that before,” she mumbles.

My eyebrows narrow, and my shoulders slump forward. “Addie . . .” I know I’ve hurt her in the past, but I’m getting a little tired of being punished for that in the present. Although, I suppose my behavior last night was a bit of my old self coming back up.

After that, I’m lost in thought as I look over my shoulder and out at the water.

“Hayden?” she says, taking over my attention again. The wind makes it so that soft, feathery pieces of hair are blowing in her face. She shakes them off.

“Sorry, sorry.”

“What’s going on in that noggin of yours? Don’t lie. I know that face.”

Oh, boy.Before I can deny making any face, I realize that I’m biting on the corner of my cheek.

I release the thin skin from in between my canine teeth, and say, “Nothing.” The answer is a lot for me to admit to myself, nevertheless, out loud to her.

“Fine.” She turns again, and she folds her arms. “None of my business, I guess.”

“I’m just angry with myself,” I finally blurt out.

Her eyes dart to me. “Well, good. You should be. Your little meltdown was really traumatizing for Luna.”

We both look over at her laughing and twirling with her friend.

Yeah. Real traumatized.I don’t mean to negate the effect of my behavior, but she does seem rather unfazed by it all right now.

Anyway, now that I’ve started, I want to tell Addie the whole truth. “You see,” I lower my head and scratch at my neck, “I’m upset with myself for being like my dad.”

“Oh, wow.” She gasps and opens her mouth wide. “That’s—that’s heavy, Hayden. Very heavy.”

“Yeah, but it’s also the truth. I acted just like him, Addie. And that terrifies me. You know me. I’d rather die than act a single ounce like that bastard.”

After I swore, I glance to make sure the children are still far enough away not to hear me. Thankfully, they are.

“He was a real bastard,” she agrees.

“Yeah.” She is one of the few people who saw him in prime “bastard” form. “Anyway, I hate myself for acting like him, like I said.”

She clicks her tongue. “Yeah.”

What?I was hoping she would give me some words of encouragement.No, you’re nothing like him, Hayden. Or something like that.

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