Page 125 of Broken Grump

Luna, looking far too adult than she has any right to, leans her elbows on the table, intertwines her fingers, and says, “I don’tknow. I didn’t see him wink at any other mommies around here.”

That last sentence, thankfully, reminds me just how young and innocent she is.

Eventually, our meals are brought out, and he leaves the table again without a wink or any other suggestive facial gestures.

“See?” I poke fun at her, my knife and fork at the ready to cut into the buttery delight before me.

She just rolls her eyes. “Whatever. I know what I saw.”

We both enjoy a few bites before I ask, “Hey, Loones?”

“Yeah?” Her mouth is full, and she sucks down some orange juice before swallowing all of it down like a snake ingesting an entire mouse.

“You alright?” She had a few choking spells when she was younger, so I’m almost always on high alert for another.

“Uh-huh.” Long eyelashes flicker up and down quickly before she gulps some more of her orange beverage, leaving a ring above her upper lip.

Taking my napkin in my hand, I lean forward and clean her face off.

“Tell me, do you miss Arizona?” I ask.

“Oh.” Understandably, she seems puzzled by my question. “Well, yeah. I mean, I guess so. Why?”

“Just wondering,” I lie. I’m hoping that if I can get her thinking about the good old days, she’ll be more psyched about the move back once I finally tell her about it.

“What about you?” she questions just before delivering, taking another syrupy forkful into her mouth.

“I do. A lot. Especially Sam.”

Luna nods. “Oh, yeah. She’s the best.”

At this moment, I’m proud to have raised her with an amazing taste in human beings.

As we continue chatting and eating, we make small talk, and she tells me about her new friends in Los Angeles and her old ones in Phoenix that she misses. While talking about the first group of mostly young girls around her age, I feel guilty. But once she brings up the others, I feel hopeful again about our future in The Grand Canyon State. The very place where I came with nothing except the clothes on my back and her in my belly and set down roots.

“Okay,” she says, placing her utensils down in a crisscross pattern on the plate and covering them with her napkin. “Beach time?”

“Beach time.”

I can’t tell you if it’s a real memory, or one I cooked up in my head. But regardless, I can picture my father—with his crimson curls blowing wildly in the wind—crouching over me while I sat in the sand. He told me that you had to wait thirty minutes after you ate to get into the water. Now, imagined or not, I’ve always stuck by that rule. Although, that was always much to Luna’s chagrin.

“Paige’s mom doesn’t make her do this,” she whines after we both change into our swimming suits and sit on our blankets.

“Well, then there’s a good reason why I’m your mom and not her.”

She guffaws and crosses her arms above her belly again.

As I wait for the alarm I’d set for my watch to go off, I lean back and allow myself to fully appreciate the beauty around me. Sure, Arizona is also nice, but we don’t have beaches quite like they do in California. There’s a spirit to them that I can’t quite explain. I suppose it exists in tandem with the more laid-back culture and attitude that people exude here.

Despite what I said to my daughter, part of me will miss it. After all, I was born and raised a Cali girl myself. But in my heart of hearts, I also know that it’s time to move on.

For a brief moment, I allowed myself to fall for the spell or guise that I belonged here, but it’s not true. Abuelo’s businesswas never mine to run. And Hayden, well, Hayden was never myanything. When I was younger, I dreamed he’d be my boyfriend. And now, I fantasize about him being an active father to Luna and partner to me. But alas, I was let down.

It’s time to finally let him go,I remind myself as I look out into the vast water before us.

When the chirping from around my wrist goes off, Luna wastes no time running away and being engulfed by the waves.

“Loones!” I call after her. “Wait!” Getting up to my feet, I follow after her with arm floaties in my hands.

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