Page 120 of Broken Grump

Also, as soon as I open my eyes, I hear a loud buzzing in my ears that I know is coming from inside my own head.

“Oh, God.” Speaking of a locomotive, I feel like I’ve been run over by one. Every inch of my body aches. “What the—” I hang my head in my hands before looking over and seeing the source of my pain. The completely empty whiskey bottle.

Suddenly, my phone rings.

I’m already getting tiny flashbacks of what happened last night between Addie and me. But I am simultaneously terrified and hopeful that it’s her on the other line. But when I reach for it andflip it over, it’s “Randall” that I see across the screen. Honestly, I’m amazed I could make out his name through my bleary eyes.

Dammit.I know I need to suck up to the man, but that doesn’t change the fact that he’s a royal pain in my butt.

“Hello?” I answer as clearly as possible after choking down some vomit.

“Hayden! Good morning!” he responds, as cheery as ever.

His voice is so chipper and loud, in fact, that I have to hold it away from my face in order to prevent my brain from exploding.

“Good morning.”

“I’d like to meet at the lot. Say, in an hour?”

Fuck.I raise a hand to my forehead, knowing fully well that sixty minutes isn’t enough time to get myself right again. However, I managed to get out an affirmative, “Sounds great,” before hanging up.

Once that’s over, I close one eye and squint with the other while pulling up Addie’s contact information.

I can’t remember everything I said to her, but I can still see her face as clear as day when I was yelling. It was the same one I’d seen all those years ago when I accused her of basically killing my father.

“I’m sorry. The person you’ve reached at 602-555-0119 cannot come to the phone right now. But please leave your name and phone number—”

It only took one ring before her voicemail message started to play. Not that I can blame her, I’d probably screen and ignore my calls too.

But that isn’t going to stop me.Oh, no.Whatever I said, I know it will take a lot to get her forgiveness for it. And I’m willing to put in the work. I have to. It isn’t just about her anymore. If I don’t have Addie in my life, I also don’t have Luna. In my mind, they’re like peanut butter and jelly. One just simply doesn’t make sense without the other.

So, I shoot her a quick text, which is something I know she can’t as easily ignore.

“I’m so sorry for everything, Addie. I’m hoping you’ll give me the opportunity to explain. Please.”

Despite the fact that my reaction was clearly taken out on her, she wasn’t to blame for my actions. That, at least, I remember was spawned from my dear older brother.

“Ugh!” I groan, remembering that’s a whole other can of worms that I have to deal with. But for now, I put my phone aside, and crawl into the shower.

The warm water offers a temporary respite from the cold, harrowing world I’ve once again found myself living in.

After it’s all said and done, I manage to only double over and dry heave once or twice before my body and hair are clean.

Climbing out, I towel dry myself before wrapping the cozy fabric around my waist and tucking in the corner above my pelvis.

The mirror is fogged from steam, and once I swipe at it with my hand, I can see myself clearly. For a moment, I just stare at the shell of the human being that I am.

What the hell have you done?

Little by little, more recollections have come to mind. I now remember that after an amazing, passion-filled day with her, I screamed at her to leave me alone.Again.

God.Her wide blue eyes are haunting me, and I can see them whether I keep my eyes open or close them.

Instead of using a comb, I just run my fingers through my hair before escaping my own reflection, going out into my office, trying to call her again. Yet, as to be expected, she dodges me again.

Except this time, I do leave a message. “Addie, I’m so—so sorry.” I know that word is short and often overused, but I mean it so deeply in my bones. “Please just let me explain myself. Please. If you want nothing to do with me after that, then that’s fine.” Of course, I don’t mean that. “Just please.”

I hit “end,” and I squeeze the device in my hand so tightly that I can hear it starting to crack a little.

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