Page 62 of Second Chance with Seth

Whether we’ll get back to that incredible high I felt when Everly asked me to let us into the apartment earlier is another thing. It felt really significant at the time, like she welcomed my presence, as opposed to questioning it.

As for feeding River and putting her to bed… words fail me.

My little girl’s eyes didn’t leave mine the entire time I held her, and feeling her tiny body in my arms was something that filled my heart and made it beat a little stronger. I felt an enormous surge of love for her, which was a little weird, considering I don’t really know her, but I wasn’t about to doubt my feelings. They felt natural… and I felt whole. For the first time in my life.

I had a few moments of regret, while Everly went around the room, closing the drapes and getting things ready for River to go to bed, wondering what it might have been like if I’d been here all along. I’d missed out on so many evenings, so many bedtimes, and I couldn’t help but feel sad about that, although I did my best to push that aside and focused instead on making tonight the first of many.

Of course, that would have been a lot easier if things hadn’t become so weird over dinner.

I’m not sure what happened then. We’d been getting along really well while Everly was cooking… so much so that I tidied away a few things in the apartment just because she’d made that comment about not being able to get everything done. I guess I wanted to show her she didn’t have to do it all by herself… and that she didn’t need to ask for help, either, because I know that’s not her strong suit. When I was putting her apron in the laundry hamper, I wondered if she might ask what I was doing, or tell me to stop, or even remind me she didn’t need my help. But she didn’t. She just thanked me instead, even though she had no need. And I suppose that lulled me into a false sense of security, that having overcome such a sensitive issue, and taken on board that she’d gone to the trouble of cooking one of my favorite meals, we’d be able to sit and talk like we used to.

Except we didn’t… or we couldn’t. I’m not sure which it was.

Either way, our conversation was stilted, and so unlike how we used to be together, when we’d share our news, tell stories, finish each other’s sentences, and enjoy those few hours between coming home from work and going to bed. Naturally, that was before Aunt Clare’s death. Before it all went wrong. And that’s what scares me the most… that we’ve lost who we used to be.

Of course, none of that has been helped by that damn message from Davina. I felt as though that drove a wedge between us, although I’m not giving up hope. Like I say, the only way is up, because I don’t see how we can get much further apart, unless I actually leave… and there’s no way I’m doing that.

We’re still staring at each other, but then Everly swallows and says, “How do I know it’ll be different this time? Like I said, I’m even busier now than I was before, so how do I know youwon’t turn to Davina, or someone like her, if I’m not giving you my undivided attention?”

I quickly pocket my phone. She declined my invitation to check it, after all, and then I pull her into my arms, making her gasp.

“I don’t need your undivided attention.”

“You don’t?”

“Okay… I do. But I can accept that you have other things that occupy your time. All I ask is that you include me… let me participate. Like you did tonight. That was good, babe.”

“Yeah, it was,” she says, letting out a sigh.

“I’m never gonna look elsewhere,” I say, holding her tight against me. “If I’m being honest, I didn’t really look before. It was just that Helen was there.”

“Davina’s there now,” she says, and I hear the uncertainty in her voice.

“I don’t care. I’ve spent a year regretting everything I did to us. There’s no way I’m gonna let that happen again.”

“But what if I get tired, or busy, or…”

“We’ll talk,” I say, interrupting her. “We’ll work it out. Whatever it takes. You own my heart, Everly. It doesn’t even beat properly without you.” I feel the moment she relents, her body sinking into mine. “There’s no-one for me but you. It know it’s hard to believe, but there never was.”

“Promise?”

“I promise… on River’s life.”

“And you won’t leave again?”

“I’ll never leave you. Either of you. Ever again. I’m just sorry…”

She clamps her fingers over my lips, stopping me from finishing my apology. “If we’re gonna make this work, you need to stop saying sorry. I got a lot of things wrong, too.”

“I hope you’re not thinking of apologizing for any of them.”

“I could… but I don’t think it would help. If we’re gonna move forward, we need to stop looking back.”

“You wanna move forward?”

“Yes, I do, and I think it’s better if we accept the mistakes we’ve both made, and leave them in the past, don’t you?”

“You’re willing to do that?”

---