Page 34 of Second Chance with Seth

“I should never have allowed it to happen,” he says, shaking his head and looking remorseful. “If I could turn back the clock…”

“You can’t.” I cut him off. “Any more than you can expect me to un-see it all… to un-think it all.”

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry I ever let her anywhere near me.”

We fall into silence, our steps being the only thing in unison as we trudge along the path. I wanted him to know how it had felt, but I’m not sure my revelations have helped. Saying sorry all the time doesn’t help us move forward. It doesn’t help us understand, either. To do that, we need to talk, but the question is, what should we talk about?

We used to be able to say anything to each other, right from that very first cup of coffee, and now I can’t think of a single thing. Perhaps that’s because our year apart has left us with too many blanks… blanks which need filling.

“What have you been doing for the last twelve months?” I ask, looking up at him again.

He turns to face me. “Working,” he says.

“For Aiden still?”

“Yeah. I—I moved in with him and Jordan after I left here…” I notice he doesn’t say he left me, but left the town, and maybe that’s for the best. It’s less personal.

“How did that go? Jordan had just found out she was pregnant, hadn’t she?”

I remember Seth coming home and telling me a week or so before he left.

“Yeah, although I think they’d known for a while. They just hadn’t made it public until then. She was about three months pregnant when I arrived on their doorstep. That’s why I asked about the morning sickness. Jordan’s was horrendous. She was just about coping with Poppy and Grace, but I could see it was a struggle, and once I’d witnessed it first-hand, I persuaded Aiden to come into the office later in the mornings, so he could stay behind and help with getting the girls up and dressed, and making sure Jordan was okay. To be honest, I don’t know why he hadn’t done that sooner… except he’s always thought the place can’t function without him.”

“Like me, you mean?” I say.

“No.” He shakes his head. “The circumstances were very different. He had a choice.”

“And I didn’t?”

He thinks for a moment. “You did, but his was easier.”

At least he’s acknowledged how hard it was for me back then, so soon after Aunt Clare’s death. That feels like a breakthrough in the understanding part of all this.

“How long did you stay with Aiden?” I ask, keeping us on track.

“Not long. I’d only been there a couple of days when one of Aiden’s clients mentioned he was looking to rent out an apartment he owned. I went to see it that night and moved in the following weekend.”

I take a breath, wondering how to ask my next question without it sounding as though I’m interrogating him, like he did me.

“Have you… have you been seeing anyone?” I ask, my voice fading to a whisper.

“No. One of the women at work asked me to have dinner with her, but I declined.”

“Did that make things awkward for you at the office?”

“Not really. She worked in accounts, so our paths rarely crossed, and in any case, she left the company not long afterwards.”

“And you haven’t tried again? With someone else, I mean?”

“I didn’t try with her, Everly. Why would I? I don’t want anyone else. I just want you.” He moves closer, gently brushing his hand over River’s head. “I want both of you.”

Part of me wishes he hadn’t said that, and that he could have kept it about us, but I can’t complain. He’s River’s father, after all.

The touch of his hand seems to disturb her and although she doesn’t open her eyes, I realize we’ve been walking for a long time.

“We should probably head back,” I say. “She’ll be awake soon, and she doesn’t like to be kept waiting for her food.”

He smiles and we turn around, heading back the way we came.

---