Page 31 of Second Chance with Seth

“In that case, I suggest you take a break later. You could go for a walk with River and get some fresh air.”

“And what about this place?” I said, looking around at the empty coffee shop.

“I’ll manage.”

In the end, I survived until ten-thirty, at which point Owen practically pushed me out the door. River wasn’t settling well, and I thought it might do us both good to get out. My mind was still full of how I was going to break the news to Seth, and I was grateful to escape. I had a few hours until our planned meeting, but I hadn’t reached any decisions, other than knowing I wanted to talk to him in the privacy of my apartment, and that I wantedRiver to be there with us. I thought he might take it better if he could see her… although it didn’t work out that way in the end. None of it worked out. We weren’t in my apartment, and I wasn’t able to tell him as kindly as I’d hoped. Because I wanted to be kind.

That was why I went after him… because even if he was the one who’d stormed off, it wasn’t entirely his fault. He hadn’t been expecting to hear something like that, and I owed him some compassion.

It was more than that, though. I had to follow him, simply because he’d been comparing himself to his father. I’d always known his feelings for his dad were entirely negative, but in my mind, there was no comparison. Seth hadn’t abandoned me and River… not in the way his father had abandoned him and his mom. Our situation was completely different, and I hated the idea that he could have been thinking so badly of himself.

The problem was, the moment I turned the corner by the gym, I saw him and Helen. She was gazing up at him, just like she used to, and my stomach lurched. It felt like history was repeating itself, and even though he swears it isn’t, I can’t help the memories from flooding back and the fear from clutching at my heart.

Seth coughs, breaking into my thoughts, and I look up at him, seeing a mixture of hope and sadness in his eyes. He’s waiting for an answer, but forgiveness is a big deal, and there are things we need to work out and things I need to understand before I can get there.

“If you can’t forgive me yet,” he says, “can we at least spend some time together? I’d like to hear about what happened, and get to know my daughter a little, if that’s okay with you?”

I like that he’s asking, and not taking anything for granted, and I nod my head, because I want him to get to know River. To be honest, I want a lot more than that. Despite my doubts,despite my fears, I’d like a chance at that happiness he was talking about. In the meantime, though, it’s only fair to let him spend some time with his daughter while we navigate our way through things. Considering how much he’s already missed out on, it’s the least I can do.

“Do you need to go back to work?” he asks, and I look up at him. “I can wait until you close the shop, or I can…”

“I don’t have to go back,” I say, noting the slight smile that forms on his lips. “Why? What did you have in mind?”

“I was thinking we could take a walk down by the creek.”

“Okay. But I can’t be out for too long. River will need feeding soon, and I don’t have anything with me.”

“Who’s minding the coffee shop?” he asks.

“Owen.”

His eyes narrow slightly, the smile dropping, and I can tell he’s busting to ask about the connection between us… again. I was so angry with him yesterday for jumping to conclusions, and for the way he questioned me about Owen, rather than talking about us, and what happened. It felt like the only thing he cared about was what I was doing, and who I was doing it with… not what he’d done, or how he’d brought us to where we were.

To where we are…

“Shall we go?” he says.

I nod my head and for a moment we just stare at each other until he takes my hand in his. Despite everything that’s happened, it feels good to have a connection between us, and I let him lead me along Main Street, away from the hotel. This isn’t the quickest way to get to the creek, and he knows it. That would be to go back the way he’s just come, and cut through behind the gym. But I guess he’s maybe worried that Helen might still be outside the hotel, waiting for him. I’ll admit,I’m a little concerned about that myself, but I refuse to let her presence spoil everything today.

The creek is flowing quickly and as we approach it, River stirs against me, the noise disturbing her slightly.

“Is she okay?” Seth asks, glancing down at her.

“She’s fine. She’ll settle in a minute.”

“How do you know?”

“Instinct, I suppose.”

He nods his head, his eyes still focused on River as she nestles her head against me again, her lips pouted, which seems to make him smile.

“What was it like being pregnant?” he asks, surprising me.

“It was okay. Bits of it were uncomfortable… and bits of it were just plain weird, like feeling her kick inside me. That was odd, although it was kinda comforting at the same time. On the whole, though, I enjoyed it.”

“Even the morning sickness?” he asks, smiling, as he helps me over a rough patch of ground.

“I didn’t have any. I thought I would, when I started feeling nauseous about six or seven weeks in, but that’s all it ever was… just a touch of nausea, which usually seemed to happen in the evenings, not the mornings.”

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