Page 11 of Second Chance with Seth

The even more stupid part was that I’d bought an engagement ring not long before Aunt Clare died. I’d been planning to propose on Everly’s birthday, which is the middle of January, but Aunt Clare had a stroke and died on New Year’s Day, and the idea of proposing just a couple of weeks later seemed inappropriate, when Everly was so mired in grief… not to mention trying to keep the coffee shop going in her aunt’s absence. I figured another chance would present itself, never realizing that I’d be driving away from her, with the ring in my pocket and my heart in pieces.

I wanted to blame Everly, and for a while, I did, recalling how aloof she’d become since Aunt Clare’s death… how she wouldn’t let me get close to her anymore… with one notableexception. That was the night before I left, although I didn’t dwell on it too much. It may have been spectacular, but it was the circumstance that made me feel most ashamed of having left her. Like I say, nothing came of it, though. So, I let myself focus on the fact that she’d devoted every waking hour to the coffee shop, instead. That hurt. I won’t deny it, and I let that fester, dwelling on her rejection, which was how I perceived it… until I realized it was my fault, not hers. Not just because of Helen, but because I’d issued Everly with an impossible ultimatum. That was stupid of me, but I hadn’t explained myself, either. I hadn’t told her how it felt… not just her perceived rejection, but the rest of it, too. I hadn’t even clarified why I’d started the conversation in the first place. Not properly. The problem was, I’d allowed too much time to pass, wallowing in self-pity, and the longer I left it, the harder it was to think about going back.

I have to, though, don’t I?

If I want another chance – which I do, more than anything – then I need to swallow my pride, accept I fucked up, and go back to Hart’s Creek.

I don’t know whether Everly will be willing to listen, let alone forgive me, but like Aiden said… what’s the worst that can happen?

Chapter Three

Everly

I don’t need an alarm clock these days. River surfaces at five-thirty every morning, and my body clock seems to have tuned itself in to wake me up roughly ten minutes beforehand. It’s hardly a surprise when I turn over, my eyes still a little bleary, and see the time is five-fifteen, and I let out a sigh and snuggle under the covers, making the most of my last few minutes of peace.

It’s impossible to relax of course, knowing the quiet will soon be shattered, but I do my best, wondering why I don’t make use of this time to grab a quick shower and get ahead of myself, or maybe even tidy the apartment, or put on some laundry.

“Because rest is more important,” I whisper to myself, nestling into the pillow, and knowing I’ve got my morning routine down to a fine art, which can just about be squeezed into the hour that River allows us.

As for the apartment, who cares if it’s a mess? No-one comes here.

I feel my eyes prickle with unshed tears and I turn over onto my other side, refusing to acknowledge how lonely I am.

Instead, I focus on my conversation with Laurel yesterday, smiling about her news. She’s clearly thrilled about being pregnant again, and I imagine Brady feels the same. It’s hardnot to envy her that shared joy. It’s one of the things I missed out on… one of many.

Obviously, I have no way of knowing how Seth would have reacted to me telling him I was pregnant. Given the problems we were going through at the time, he might have questioned the timing, I suppose. Because there’s no denying things weren’t right between us. They hadn’t been for some time. The reason for that is debatable. He put it down to me spending too much time at work. I was more concerned about his interest in Helen Rogers. I like to think we could have put our differences aside for the sake of our baby. But then I remember the look on his face when he left, and I have to wonder…

I turn onto my back, the bed still awfully wide without him, even after all this time, and I recall the day he walked out, and the way he tried to defend himself over Helen. I’d seen them together so many times; her touching him, leaning in to him, looking up into his eyes. It was obvious something was going on. I just wanted to know what.

He said it was nothing. He told me she was just a friend, and when I questioned why she touched him the way she did, he said that was just the way she was. Then he turned it around, telling me I was being insecure. That hurt, although I have to admit, he wasn’t wrong. Aunt Clare may have loved me like a mother, ever since my parents had been killed in a car accident, but I’d never escaped that feeling of being left. That was probably because they’d left me that night… with Aunt Clare. And they’d never come back. It wasn’t their fault. It wasn’t anyone’s fault. But that feeling of being abandoned haunted me from then on, and I wondered if Seth was about to do the same… if the tension between us had become too much. The thing was, I was too scared to ask, which probably showed how insecure I really was. I was terrified he’d say ‘yes’. But then, rather than announcing his imminent departure, he told me he was unhappy. That wasalmost as bad as him saying he was leaving, when the reason for his misery was me. I was always working, he said, making me feel like everything was my fault, and that his flirtations with Helen had nothing to do with the situation. Maybe he was trying to say that he wouldn’t have been flirting with her if I’d been more attentive. I don’t know. I never got the chance to find out. Because that was when he gave me the ultimatum…

Him, or the coffee shop.

My aunt had only been dead for four months and not only did it feel really insensitive of him to ask me to choose, it was also impossible.

I’d lived with Aunt Clare since that night my parents had gone out, never to return. When I’d graduated high school, with no intention of going to college, she’d signed over half of the coffee shop to me. She didn’t have to do that, and it was typically generous of her that she didn’t just offer to convert my weekend job into a full-time one, but gave me half of the business that went with it… straight off the bat. I’ve always been grateful for that. What’s more, Seth knew. He knew every detail. I’d told him when we first met, and asking me to give it up was like asking me to stop breathing. I couldn’t do it.

Did I expect him to leave? No. Aside from anything else, he’d always said he wouldn’t.

But the moment he did, I longed for him to come back.

I cried for days – weeks, even – telling myself he’d realize that what we had was more important than a silly fight. He’d be back…

I certainly wasn’t going to go after him. Even if I had been ‘putting him second’, as he’d phrased it, I wasn’t the one who’d been flirting, was I? I’d never even looked at another man, and yet it seemed that every time I glanced through the window, Helen was there, flirting with Seth. And he was letting her.

I can’t think about that anymore. River will be awake any moment. That means I need to have happy thoughts in my head, and I do my best to wipe away the memories of that horrible day.

Seth is still on my mind, though. He always is, and instead of thinking about his departure, I contemplate his arrival, which brings a smile to my face as I remember that glorious afternoon, six years ago, when he walked through the door of the coffee shop and ordered a flat white.

“You’re not from around here, are you?” Aunt Clare said as she fixed his coffee.

“No,” he said, smiling at me, even though he was talking to her.

I was putting away some cups, trying not to drop any, and I felt myself blush. I’d never seen anyone so handsome in my life and was enthralled by the way his shirt fitted so tightly to his muscular chest.

I was twenty-two at the time and guessed he was about five years older, his dark blond hair slightly messed up, and his stubbled jaw very square and masculine. My mouth dried, but every other part of my body seemed to have turned to molten liquid, and I turned away, focusing on the cups, not the man. It was a struggle, but I completed my task, turning around to find he was sitting at table eight, and was staring at me.

I smiled, and he smiled back, taking a sip of his coffee.

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