Page 47 of Second Chance with Seth

I’m not about to reveal the content of my conversation with Owen. Aside from it being embarrassing, I feel as though Seth and I have more important things to talk about.

“Can I assume he gave you my message?” he asks.

“Yes.” I take a sip of hot coffee, putting the cup down again, and then say, “Did going back to your hotel help?”

“Not as much as I’d hoped. I fell asleep.” I have to smile, and he shakes his head. “Not the moment I walked in the door, you understand?”

“Oh? What did you do the moment you walked in the door?”

“I beat myself up for a while… metaphorically, because I knew I’d fucked up. Again.” I suck in a breath, but before I can say anything to absolve him of his guilt – or at least some of it – he says, “Then I paced the floor, trying to work out why we keep getting it wrong.”

“Did you come to any conclusions?” I ask, because I’d like to hear them if he did.

He shakes his head. “No. I just made myself dizzy.”

I have to smile, and he smiles back. “Oh, dear.”

“That was when I realized I should probably eat something, so I ordered up some breakfast, which was nowhere near as good as the French toast I’d been expecting to eat here, but was okay… and after that I lay on the bed.”

“And fell asleep?”

“Yeah. I was more tired than I thought. I was certainly too tired to think anymore, so I guess my body decided sleep was the best option.”

“And did it help?”

“In a way. When I woke up, you were the first thing on my mind.” He shrugs his shoulders. “That’s not remotely unusual, but I think it made me realize I was done with just thinking about you, and dreaming about you, and fantasizing about you. I want to be with you, Everly.”

“I feel like there’s still so much we haven’t said.”

“There is,” he says, staring at me, letting out a sigh, and I wonder if he’s going to say that’s because I’ve made excuses not to talk… if he’s going to blame me. For a moment, he doesn’t say another word, and I feel slightly nervous, until he sits forward and whispers, “What do you want, Everly? I know what I want, and I think I’ve made that pretty clear, but I’m not so sure about you. I get that I have responsibilities to you, and to River, but what I don’t understand is what you want from me?”

“I don’t need your money,” I say, blurting out the first thing that comes into my head. I feel cornered, and I guess it shows, as he sits back, shaking his head, and I wish I’d taken my time before answering him.

“Did I say anything about money?” he replies calmly. “I mean, obviously, I’ll pay for whatever you need, but that’s not what I’m talking about here. All I need to know is, do you want me, and if you do, how? Do you want me as a man? Or just as a father to our daughter?”

“If that was what I wanted, I could have contacted you before now,” I say, feeling as though I’m stating the obvious. If all I wanted was a father to our daughter, I would have called him, regardless of my fear that he’d be coming back for her and not for me. Surely he realizes that.

“I know,” he says. “But you didn’t contact me, did you?”

“Are we gonna do this again?” I pull my hand from his and lean back. “Are you gonna throw that at me every time we talk?”

“No. I wasn’t throwing anything at you this time. I’m just stating the fact. You didn’t contact me… and you had your reasons. I understand that. But it makes me wonder if you want me at all, which is why I’m asking the question, Everly. I need to know where I stand.”

He’s got me confused, as well as scared, and I shake my head. “You can’t come in here and expect me to answer a question like that.”

He sighs again, shaking his head this time, and I wonder what he’s going to say… except he doesn’t say anything. Instead, he reaches across the table, taking my hand in his again, before he stands and pulls me to my feet.

“What are you doing?” I say, surprised by this sudden turn of events, but he doesn’t reply and drags me toward the swing door, holding it open as he propels me through.

River’s asleep in her crib, and Seth stops for a moment, glancing down at her. She’s lying on her back, her eyes closed, her lips pouting, and has both arms above her head, which is fairly normal for her. She looks adorable, and Seth lets out a breath, turning to face me and giving my hand a squeeze, although he still doesn’t utter a sound and just pulls me further into the kitchen.

“Sandra,” he says by way of greeting and then turns his head. “Lyla.”

“Hello,” Sandra replies, looking from him to me, while Lyla just gawps from her place by the sink.

“We’ll be out back,” Seth says, dragging me over to the door, which he opens, letting me pass through ahead of him, before he closes it behind us.

We’re in the narrow alley that leads to the track behind the property, and he pulls me almost to the end, and then pushes me up against the wall.

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