Page 10 of Second Chance with Seth

“It’s only been four months.”

“And? That doesn’t stop you from finding someone to help… not to take over from Aunt Clare, but to help.” It wasn’t going how I’d planned at all. I knew I was coming across as demanding, unsympathetic, and impatient, when what I wanted was to help her. “This place won’t fall down if you’re not there at the helm every minute of the day, you know?” I said, doing my best to soften my voice. “And working all these hours isn’t good for you. It’s not good for us, either. I need you.”

“And you think I don’t need you?” she said, shaking her head.

“It’s kinda hard to tell,” I murmured, regretting my words the moment they’d left my lips. I stepped forward, but she held up a hand, stopping me.

“How can you say that?” She raised her voice.

“Because I’m sick of coming second.”

“You don’t.”

“No. Sometimes I’m even further down your list of priorities.”

“I didn’t ask to be put in this position, did I? I didn’t ask for my aunt to die, or to inherit the coffee shop.”

“Maybe not, but you could let me in every once in a while. You could try harder to put us first.”

“To put you first, you mean?”

“I’d do it for you. If you asked me to choose between my job and you, I’d choose you.”

“Is that what this is about? You want me to choose?”

“Yes, I do.”

I hadn’t meant to say that. I just wanted her to take a step back, to see things from someone else’s perspective, and to get some help, so she wasn’t working every hour of the day. But the question was out there, and I stared at her, waiting… until she looked away, and I knew what her answer was going to be.

“I can’t,” she said. “I can’t choose. This is Aunt Clare’s place. It’s where I grew up. You can’t ask me to just walk away from it.”

“But you’ll walk away from me?”

“No, but I’m not the one issuing ultimatums, am I?”

I stared at her, willing her to change her mind. I’d never have asked her to leave. Not in reality. But I wanted her to choose me. The problem was, she couldn’t, and eventually I realized it was useless and I turned and headed up the stairs to our bedroom. She didn’t call after me, and I guess she assumed I was just getting some time out, away from the atmosphere we’d created.

I wasn’t.

I spent the next twenty minutes packing my bags, and it was only when I came back down the stairs, carrying them, that Everly realized I meant business. She stared at my bags and then raised her eyes to mine.

“Where are you going?”

“I don’t know.”

“But you’re leaving, even though you’ve spent the last five years telling me you won’t… promising me you won’t?”

“Give me a reason to stay.”

“Give up the coffee shop, you mean?”

I didn’t answer, and after what felt like a lifetime of silence, it became clear neither of us had anything left to say, so I grabbed my keys and my jacket, and walked out.

It was a cowardly thing to do. I knew that, even as I threw my bags into the trunk of my car, but at the time I felt justified. Everly was so wrapped up in her world… her grief, her life, her coffee shop… and while I never expected her to give it up altogether, there was no getting away from the fact that she had precious little time for me anymore, or for us. I felt excluded from it all, but most especially from her life, and from the grief I wanted us to share… which is probably how Helen had slipped in under my radar, and why I hadn’t dismissed her, like I should have done.

Because I should have done, despite my pathetic excuses.

You know, the stupid part about all of it was that I loved Everly with all my heart.

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