Page 292 of Vegas Heat

Whatever that means.

Even if it means walking away from baseball.

CHAPTER 17: COOPER

I tossed and turned all night after my mother’s words.

Now you choose her. Whatever that means. Whatever that means. Whatever that means.

It echoed in my brain over and over, and it sparked a pretty drastic realization.

I only get one life, and it’s a short one at that.

I can’t spend it miserable.

If I have to choose between her and the game, I choose her. Of course I choose her.

I made excuses before. I was scared, and I was stupid.

I thought my commitment to Troy and the rest of the team was more important than my personal feelings, but as it turns out, I can’t play my best if I’m heartbroken. I can’t be a leader when I’m constantly wondering whether I made the right choice, or wondering what she’s doing, or wondering how I can get out of this mess.

All I can do is fucking fix it, and if that means walking away from the Heat, then that’s what it means. I walked away from the game once before, so I have an apples to apples comparison.

And the truth is that walking away from Gabby hurt far worse than walking away from the game.

I said it before, and I’ll say it again. She is it for me. She is what I want for the rest of my life. I love baseball. I will always love it. But I don’t love it in the way I love Gabby. It doesn’t fulfill me the way Gabby does.

There is no guarantee that I’ll get her back just because I walk away from baseball.

She’s probably hurt and angry and upset. She probably feels rejected and abandoned, and she has every right to. Ididreject her. Ididabandon her. She even said as much the night before I left—that I’m just like everybody else. So now I have to prove that I’m not, and I have to beg and plead and grovel to try to find a way to get her back.

But it’s not something I’ve ever had to do before, so it’s not something I know how to do.

Still, it starts with the first step, and that’s talking to Mike today after the team meeting.

I’ve made my decision. I can’t have both. Troy has made that clear.

And now, I choose her…if she’ll have me.

I choose a life with her...if she wants a life with me.

I choose myself. I choose happiness.

It’s the day before opening day. It’s late to be pulling out. I’m going to be letting a lot of people down.

But I’d rather let the entire team down than continue letting the one person who means the most to me in the entire world down.

I arrive at the stadium minutes before the meeting. Most of the others have been there all morning shooting the shit or working out as they mentally prepare for what’s to come tomorrow.

I slide into a seat next to Danny, the man who has become my best friend on the team, I suppose, and he glances over at me.

“Why are you so late?” he asks.

I nod toward the front of the room where Troy and Mike are exchanging words before they start the meeting. “I made it on time.”

His brows dip. “Barely. What’s going on? I thought you’d be here first pumping us all up with your witty platitudes.”

I can’t help a grimace at that. I should have been here, but when my heart’s not in it anymore, how could I?

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