Page 266 of Vegas Heat

This time, I’m all alone. I can grieve in peace.

I sit on the side of the road and try to catch my breath. I draw my knees up, hugging them into my chest, and I tilt my head back to look up into the clear night sky.

I study the stars, but all they do is remind me of everything I’ve lost. All they do is make me think back to the night we sat in the bed of her truck and stared up at them as we got to know one another—as I fell head over fucking heels in love with her in what was meant to be the most important relationship of my life.

What have I done?

I ruined the best thing that ever happened to me.

I’ll be okay. Eventually, I’ll be okay.

In the coming days, surely I’ll figure out why all this happened. Surely I’ll start to understand why it’s better this way. I can’t see that right now, but the pain is too fresh. It’ll take time to step forward from this. It’ll take time to heal.

At least I have the game to fall back on. My first love. My only love now, I guess.

It’s dark and depressing as I kick that dream of having a family down the road a little further…as I ponder how many—or howfew—years I’ll get to spend with kids if I’m ever blessed enough to have them.

If I’ll ever find a woman I want to have children with the way I wanted them with Gabby.

I force another deep breath into my lungs, inhaling the cool desert evening air, but it feels like I can’t quite take a deep enough breath to satisfy the need for oxygen inside me. It’s like a heavy weight presses against my chest and I’m no longer ableto breathe without assistance. So I suck in small breaths instead, hoping they’ll be enough to allow me to carry on.

And then I force myself up.

Baby steps. I force one foot in front of the other.

I climb into my truck. I pull on my seatbelt. I fire up the truck. I put it in drive and check for oncoming cars.

The road is deserted, so I pull out onto it, the lone driver in the lone car heading toward a lonely home where I can break open a bottle of whiskey and drown my sorrows before I leave town—before I leaveher—in the morning.

CHAPTER 4: GABBY

The house is so silent I could hear a pin drop.

I can’t help but wonder where Joanie went. Are she and my father working things out?

I doubt it.

After all she did for him when he was sick, I can’t believe he’d let this come between them. But it’s his relationship to destroy.

Usually Ruby Sue is here to break up the peace, but she’s at a puppy hotel for the night since my dad and Joanie were supposed to be walking down the aisle and none of us knew how late we’d be out.

I could really use some puppy love right about now. She’ll be back tomorrow, and then it’ll be back to her regular routine where Joanie’s niece will stop by to take her for long walks and feed her during the day when none of us are home.

God, I need a drink. Everything hurts in a way that makes me wonder when the pain will stop. Maybe I’ll numb to it eventually, or maybe this is just my new normal.

God, I want to numb it.

I walk over to the pantry and reach for the top shelf, and I grab down the first bottle I see.

It’s tequila.

I spin the cap until it comes off, and that’s when I remember…I can’t.

I set my hand on my stomach as I realize at least I’m nottrulyalone, yet I don’t know if I’ve everfeltso alone in my entire life.

I take the bottle in between my fingers and hurl it against the wall with a loud, frustrated scream.

The bottle breaks into a million pieces, shards of glass spewing all over the hardwood floors and skidding everywhere as tequila bursts out and falls to the ground.

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