Page 110 of Vegas Heat

I’ve also spent my whole life believing that in order to matter, you need to be the best. It’s why I’m a perfectionist, and it means a lot to me to be recognized for the things I work hard at.

It’s why I found my father. I wanted him to be proud of me since I never felt like I was good enough for my mother.

It was terrifying when I started the search. My mother convinced me he abandoned me, and I spent my life believing that. I spent my life nurturing huge abandonment issues all because of my mother’s lies.

Instead of giving me that praise I always craved, my mother was the best at finding something wrong. At prom, the night I felt most beautiful in my entire life…she didn’t like the way I did my hair.

When I was named salutatorian at my high school graduation, she asked who valedictorian was instead of congratulating me. I’d never felt like more of a failure even though salutatorian was something that should have been celebrated.

That’s how it went my entire life.

Is it any wonder I wanted to get away from her the moment I found my father?

Is it any wonder I fell so hard and so fast for the wrong person? And now that I think about it, does the fact that Cooper is twelve years older than me play into it, too? I neverlookedat him as a father figure. He wasn’t…but the fact that someone older in an authoritative position made me feel so damn good about myself might speak to my issues.

Or maybe it speaks more loudly to how I shouldfacethose issues. Maybe my relationships willalwaysfail until I can resolve the problems that I cover with a sunny disposition.

But I have no idea how to resolve any of it. The fear of rejection and abandonment. The fear of trusting the wrong person or being taken advantage of. The fear of being punished for my mistakes. The fear of falling short, or of coming in second, or of being a failure.

Maybe it starts with choosing a path instead of being indecisive about what I want out of my future.

I like marketing, and I like social media. I put a big circle around that department on the list, and I write a little note beside it.Very interested in pursuing this in my future.

I realize that will force Joanie and me to spend more time together since she’s the head of the marketing department…but maybe that’s not such a bad thing. We’ve started to bond even though neither of us has acknowledged her relationship with my father, and maybe we can sit down and have a good, honest talk.

Or not. The thought of doing that and being rejected creeps in. The thought of growing close to Joanie only to see my father end things with her makes me nearly physically feel the abandonment before it even happens.

Maybe I should start with an honest talk with my father first. He’s been busy, and I’ve been busy, and we haven’t connected as much lately as we did the first couple years I lived with him.

I send him a text while the others finish filling out their preferences.

Me:Can we do dinner soon? I miss seeing you.

His reply comes quick.

Dad:Of course. Tonight, five o’clock, Desmonds?

Me:It’s a date.

CHAPTER 24: COOPER

I step down from my truck, and I can’t help but wonder what I ever saw in Stacy aside from a pretty face.

Now all I see is the ugliness. I know what she did while we were together, and it was enough to make me want to leave Los Angeles and never look back.

And it’s with that realization that something connects in my brain.

Sheis the reason why I didn’t want to keep playing.

I found out she was cheating on me a few months after my injury. Rather than being there to help me through it, she bolted into someone else’s arms.

Los Angeles felt too small for the two of us, so I trekked down to San Diego to rehab my arm after the surgery, and I stayed there.

I didn’t want to go back even if it meant I wouldn’t get to play any longer, and the woman standing in Troy’s driveaway was the cause of that.

I blow out a breath as I walk up beside her. “What are you doing here?”

Our eyes meet as she slides her phone into the back pocket of her leggings. “I came to win you back.”

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