Page 11 of Second Down Scrooge

But it’s hard when I look into the blue eyes of my sweet baby and see the exact shade of Austin’s. His dark hair is trimmed short, but he told me once that he had dark curls when he was little that looked exactly like Mia’s.

My chest twinges a little as I hand her over—just like it always does. To be honest, I’m not sure if it’s a twinge or an errant butterfly, but I do what I always do, and I push it away.

God, though. The way he looks when he’s holding her, and the way he looks down at her…sometimes it’s enough to make me feel ready to give it another try.

I was smitten with him from the very beginning, and before he did all the stupid things he thought would get him ahead, we actually had a lot of fun together.

I think because that’s all it was. We were having fun. Neither of us had any expectations, so there was no pressure, yet I found myself falling for him.

And then he went and released that stupid video that hurt both Ava and Grayson, and I don’t care that it was nearly a year and a half ago at this point. You don’t betray your teammates that way—or the best friend of your girlfriend. Situationship. Um…the mother of your child.

Ava has moved on, obviously. It didn’t have the lasting effects he might’ve been hoping for since they’re happily married now and running an entire bakery together.

But I haven’t gotten over it. I tried to. Really. I even continued seeing him after Ava told me the reason he initially had an interest in me was to get closer to Grayson so he could find ways to hurt him.

But ultimately, I couldn’t get past any of it. He hurts other people for fun, and he demolished my trust in him. I was heartbroken after my last relationship ended with broken trust, and I just can’t go down that road again, no matter how attracted I am to him.

No matter how much my ovaries explode when I see him holding our baby.

No matter how much I want him to put another baby in me.

Whoa.

Did that errant thought really just pop into my head a mere hour before adateis coming to pick me up?

I liked being pregnant, and I definitely want more kids someday.

Would pregnancy have been a better experience if I wasn’t on shaky ground with the father? Absolutely.

And I wish I could get off that shaky ground.

I clear my throat as I force those thoughts from my head. “I’m just going to go finish getting dressed.”

I head into the bedroom and choose a light pink dress that makes my brown eyes seem lighter, like they’re glowing, and sets off my dark hair. I pair it with matching shoes—which happen tobe three-inch heels, something I’m not exactly used to walking in—and I apply my makeup and curl my hair.

I’m ready to go with about fifteen minutes to spare. This is normally when I’d take a shot of vodka while I wait for my date to pick me up to try to squash those first date nerves, but I can’t exactly do that with Austin out there watching my every move.

I switch to my date night purse and head out to the family room, and I see Austin playing Mia’s favorite game—toss the ball anywhere but at me.

I smile as I look down at them, and Austin glances up at me before he looks back at the ball he just rolled back to Mia.

And then he does a double take.

His eyes slowly drift from my legs up to my hips, up to my chest, and up to my face. He lets out a low whistle. “Wow.”

Mia chooses that exact moment to pick up the ball and toss it, and for once, she hits her target, smacking Austin right in the forehead with the soft, squishy, ball.

He snaps to attention, laughing as he shifts his glance down to his daughter, and she lets out the sweetest giggle.

“You got me!” he says merrily to her, and I swear, he is a different person when he’s with Mia. He’s the kind of person I could see myself ending up with, if I’m being honest. He’s sweet and kind and fun.

Why the hell am I going on a date with another guy whenthisguy seems almost perfect for me?

Oh, right. Because he’s decidedlynotperfect, and I can’t be another person he can step on to get to wherever it is he’s going.

Maybe that’s why I’m holding onto this anger so tightly. It’s not just the trust issues I have, but it’s the fact that it feels very much like he used me to get to my friends, and now he’s stuck with me since he knocked me up.

I want to feel chosen because of who I am, not because of who my friends are. I want to feel seen and heard and loved. Is that really so much to ask?

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