I swallowed and stood. Should I just read my note to her? I’d put it all in there as clear as I could, how I didn’t want to offend her, but I needed to know. If Oli was mine, he had child supportcoming. And I would want to be part of his life. I understood it would be difficult as things stood between us, but I’d never just?—

“Well?”

I coughed. “Uh, well, I…”

“Keep walking,” said Claire. “What do you want?”

I tried to go slow, to draw out our walk, but Claire set a brisk pace and I had to keep up.

“Oli,” I said. “Is that short for Oliver?”

“No, it’s Olivier. It’s Dad’s middle name. Is that what you came all the way out here to ask me?”

I wished she’d let up, at least for a second. Give me a minute to gather my thoughts. But the gate was in sight past the guesthouse already. Claire was swinging her arms, gathering speed.

“Hold up. I’ve got, uh, a stone in my shoe.” I crouched down in the driveway and untied my shoe, taking my time to unpick the laces. Claire stood over me, huffing. I dropped into OR mode. In a way, this was surgery, and Claire was the patient. One slip, one fumble, and I would lose her, and any chance I had of getting the truth.

I breathed in through my nose. Shook out my shoe.

“No stone,” said Claire.

I breathed out. “Is he mine?”

Claire gaped at me. “What?”

“Is Oli mine? I don’t want to offend you if you have, if you’ve found?—”

“What are you talking about, is Oli yours? How many children do you think I have?”

And I’d dropped my scalpel right in her guts. All the way fumbled it, though I couldn’t see how. “I just thought, with his hair, and with the timing?—”

“I don’t believe you,” said Claire. “I cannotbelieveyou. Yes, Oli’s yours. He’s the child you abandoned. You don’t get to come here allis he mine. Whose do you think he is? You think, what, I cheated?”

I rocked back on my heels, stunned at her rage. I’d never said that, or anything near it.

“What’s the matter, big man? Nothing to say? You walk out on your family, and you think you can, what? Come and accuse me, like it was my fault?Youran away.Youignored all my voicemails, Sam’s texts, my emails. Even the message I left your CO.”

“My CO? What?” I tried to get up and slipped in the gravel, and sprawled on my ass. “I never got?—”

“No!” Claire covered her face. “My texts said delivered. Sam’s did as well. Your CO said you’d call me when you finished your shift. Don’t sit there and tell me you didn’t know.”

I stood up, head spinning, and brushed off my ass. “I did get a message once, I had a call from the States, but not from my CO. From our chief resident. She said my girlfriend called. I thought, I don’t know, she misheard who the call was for, or they called the wrong number.”

“And what about my emails? My voicemails? Our texts?”

“I switched mail accounts when I shipped out. I thought my school one would close, y’know, with me graduating. And as for your texts…” I looked down, ashamed. “I’m the world’s biggest idiot. I tossed out my phone.”

“You just tossed it out.” Claire shook her head. “And your contacts as well? Your friends, your whole life?”

I tried to catch her eye, but Claire looked away. This wasn’t going well, or anywhere close. “I wouldn’t believe myself either, if our places were reversed. But what happened was, Sam and me had a fight. It was after our breakup, when you’d just blocked me. I asked him to talk to you and he said no. He said if you blocked me, that was your answer, and I needed to leave you alone. And I was fine with that, or notfine, but I would have. But then he said he’d have blocked me, if he was you. He said you couldn’t trust me, and I guess that was true, but I didn’t like hearing it, or seeing myself as some liar. I told Sam to fuck himself, and then hedidblock me, right there in front of me, and he said we were done.”

“He unblocked you that same day. He told me. He felt bad.”

“I know that now. But I didn’t back then, and it felt like you all had just tossed me away, the best friend I had. The love of— uh, you. So I let go and moved on with my life, like I did a hundred times bouncing round foster homes.”

“But you talk to Sam now.” Claire was rubbing her temples. “No, this is wrong. This doesn’t make sense. He said you reached out a year ago, and you’ve been in touch.”

“Yeah, but he never would talk about you. I asked how you’re doing and he said no way. He said, and I quote, he’s not our damn go-between.”