Page 96 of The Fallen Kingdom

Shall I sacrifice my pawn?

As if sensing my thoughts, Kiaran looks away, his gaze ashamed as he stares out at the trees. When he speaks, his voice is so soft I barely hear the words. “I watched you die twice, Kam. I just got you back.”

“I’m mortal,” I say gently. “You have to accept that I won’t live forever and I doubt the Book can change that.” When he doesn’t respond, I sigh. “What would you have said if I told you? Would you have tried to stop me from using my powers?”

He’s quiet for a moment. “I don’t know.”

I can’t bear our distance. I close the space between us and slip my arms around him. He lets me press my cheek against his chest and listen to his heart beat. When his arms circle me and he holds me close, I shut my eyes.

I want to forget everything. I want to stand here, with you, and forget the whole world. I want...

I tell him the truth: “I wish I had a thousand years with you. More.”

“Not a thousand more years, Kam. That’s time I already have. It’s time I’ve already lived.”

“What, then?”

Kiaran strokes a finger down my cheek, along my jawline, across my eyebrows. Like he’s memorizing us just like this, little fragments for when I’m gone. For all the years he has ahead without me. “I want one lifetime with you. Not hundreds, not thousands, not eternity. I just want one.”

When I lean in and press my lips to his, I notice the blackness of his outer irises has begun to creep back in. Not as dark as it was in the mirrored room, but dark enough that it looks like a shadow crossing a spring field.

His kiss is careful. So very careful. I know he’s remembering the things he did. I know he’s remembering his teeth at my neck, biting down.

How much time do we have? How much time do I have?

Why love a butterfly when it starts to die the moment it gets its wings?

Later that night, the bonfire burns high for Derrick’s funeral.

Aithinne has scattered leaves, twigs, and branches—the only bits of nature we have left—across the ground in whirled designs that spread all the way around the camp.

There should be petals in every color, Aithinne told me as I helped her.Flowers scattered for miles, like we did for you. So everyone would know that he was loved. He deserves flowers. He deserves better than this.

She broke down in tears, and I held her shaking body until the thin edges of the shadowed moon rose in the sky.

As I make my way across the camp toward where Aithinne and the others stand around the flames, my chest aches again.

Don’t cry. You know I don’t like to see you cry. You’re my favorite.

Sorcha isn’t with the others, and Kiaran is gone. I should have expected the guilt would be too much for him. He killed Derrick’s family. And Kiaran might have been under the Morrigan’s control, but his hands killed Derrick, too.

How can you not hate me for what I did?Kiaran asked me before I left him in the woods.

Because that’s what she wants me to do.

Aithinne rises to her feet when she sees me, and Catherine steps forward to put an arm around my shoulders. She murmurs soothing words in my ears, but I can’t hear them. All my focus is on the small wooden box Aithinne is holding.

A box.A box. My friend, my companion, and now he’s in a box.

Aithinne holds it out for me to take, but I can’t. I can’t move. Because once I touch it, this will be real. Derrick will really be gone.

Derrick is dead.

Catherine nudges me forward. “I’m here with you,” she whispers.

I take the box, but I don’t let my tears fall. The case is intricately carved, inside and out, with fae symbols along the wood forming small patterns that must have taken hours.

Aithinne says, “We didn’t have petals. So I did this.” She steps closer and lifts the lid.

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