Page 49 of The Fallen Kingdom

I look away and give a small shake of my head. He sighs, a sound of frustration and a bone-deep tiredness that I understand only too well. I wonder if he’s thinking about our time together in bed, when it seemed so easy to forget everything else. If he’s tempted to go back there and let us drown in each other all over again.

I’m tempted, too.

“Offer her something else,” I whisper. “Anything.” I press my hand against his chest, over where I know Sorcha’s mark is hidden beneath his shirt. “Then when we find the Book you won’t be bound by your vow to her anymore.”

“She won’t take another offer. Not when she knows we wouldn’t be asking her for this if we had another choice.”

“You’re not a possession,” I tell him sharply. “Just because you wear her mark doesn’t mean she owns you.”

At that, his expression softens and he touches me. His fingers run along my arm, tracing down until he reaches the back of my hand. “Do you know what I’ll miss most about you, Kam?”

I shake my head.Don’t tell me now. Not when you’re considering giving up your life to her.

But he slides his hand up to cup my cheek and force me to look at him. “I never had to wear your mark to know that I’ll always be yours.”

Then he’s kissing me, his lips soft against mine. “One day, you’ll tell people the story of the faery king and the human girl,” Kiaran whispers. “And how he watched from afar as she lived out twenty thousand human days. And if she listened closely during winter, when the wind was cold and the nights were longest, she could hear him whisper that he cherished her so much he was willing to give her the world.”

I shut my eyes before tears fall. “What if I don’t want the world?” I ask him. “What if I just want you?”

“You already have me. This doesn’t change that.” Another kiss, and then he pulls away and I feel his absence like an ache. “I’m not asking your permission. I’m telling you to let me go.”

Let me go.

He said that to me before on the battlefield in Edinburgh. I had been willing to do it then. But now?

A part of me wishes he hadn’t changed. That he had some uncaring ruthlessness left in him that would tell Sorcha to take her deal and burn it. But then he wouldn’t be Kiaran. He wouldn’t bemyKiaran.

Don’t say the words. Once you say the words, you’ll lose him.

I can’t. Every instinct in me is screaming. I could use my powers. I could make her more willing. But every time I use my powers I know that I have less time. Less time with him.

“Kam,” he says softly. “You have to let me go.”

“I know that.” I can barely speak. “But I can’t stand here and listen while you sell her your soul.”

I turn my back on him and walk away.

CHAPTER 23

KIARAN FINDSme in the bedroom later, sitting in the great leather chair by the window. The fireplace is blazing—a small comfort I allowed myself.

I don’t look over as he approaches. I watch the ocean waves around the island swell and retreat, swell and retreat. I time my breathing with the sound, needing to control something. Anything. Because I know that if I don’t, I’m going to walk out of this room, find Sorcha, and put a blade through her.

I sense his warmth directly behind me, but he makes no move to touch me. “You made the vow.” It isn’t a question. My voice sounds calmer than I feel. I keep my breath even, as even as those ocean waves.

“Aye,” Kiaran says quietly.

My fingernails prick the skin of my palm painfully. “And Sorcha?”

“She’s resting. She’ll take us to the door tomorrow.”

I stand, struggling to maintain my last vestiges of control. “She doesn’t need to rest,” I say, turning to face him. “Let’s just get this done.”

When I try to sweep past him, Kiaran’s hand shoots out to grip my arm. “Kam.”

Don’t let him see. Control your breathing. Control your expression. Don’t let him see.

If I don’t leave now, I won’t be able to hold back my tears. The second my eyes meet his, it’s going to break me. “Let go, MacKay.” The first signs of emotion are creeping into my voice. “The sooner we find the Book—”

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