Page 38 of The Fallen Kingdom

Kiaran doesn’t return my smile. He gently pushes me away, eyes searching mine. “What haven’t you told me?”

My heart thuds in my chest. I let out a breath. “The Cailleach gave me her powers as a short-term solution. My body wasn’t meant to hold them.”

As he stares down at me, I know he understands. But I have to say the words. They stick in my throat at first and I shut my eyes.

Outside, the waves crash against the rock. The wind rattles the windows. Then everything goes quiet and all I can hear is my pulse in my ears. “I’m dying, MacKay,” I whisper. “If we don’t find that Book—”

Kiaran doesn’t let me finish. He kisses me, pressing me into the pillows, and the words disappear on my lips.

I never get the chance to tell him that each time I use the Cailleach’s powers, they kill me a little more. I never get the chance to tell Kiaran about needing Sorcha to find the Book. Each kiss interrupts my words. His hands pave a path of heat down my body. He touches me like he wants to forget the world. Forget our fates. Forget everything. Like he wants to drown in this, in us, in me.

I let him.

I let myself drown in him, too.

CHAPTER 19

IWAKE TOfind myself alone in Kiaran’s room. The side of the bed where he slept is cold to the touch; he hasn’t been there for hours. The duvet is even undisturbed, as if I dreamed the whole thing.

It’s early morning. The first vestiges of daylight spill through the open window and I can hear the faint crashing of ocean waves as the tide rolls in—the only sound in the still, massive room.

I rise from the bed and grab my discarded clothes from the floor. It’s so drafty in that empty space that I slip on my coat and boots as I head to the door. I don’t know if Kiaran wants me wandering the vast halls of this nightmare palace, but I’m not comfortable staying in his room alone, either.

I push the door open and slip into the great hall.

“MacKay?”

My call is met with silence. The candles that were floating overhead when I arrived have gone; the only light is from the flickering torches that line the obsidian walls. I didn’t notice before that the walls have been shined and buffed to such perfection that they look like deep, dark pools. My footsteps echo as I cross the great hall and step into another corridor.

I’m greeted by a row of doors that seems never-ending. Dozens of them, and every single one is made of the same dark ash wood as Kiaran’s bed. I would never have time to search through them all.

There is something disquieting about this place, about the way the stones feel as if they’re pressing closer together. It doesn’t help that the air is heavy and still. My breath hitches at a memory of the mirrored room where Lonnrach kept me imprisoned after he destroyed Edinburgh. How those mirrors seemed to close in, too. Until it felt as though I didn’t have enough space to breathe.

That’s how the blackened walls feel. Like it isn’t a palace, but a tomb—one that belonged to the Morrigan.

Stop wasting time. Find Kiaran. Tell him about Sorcha. Then make her help you find the Book.

I start down the hall, purposeful now. If I make enough noise, he’s bound to hear me—at least, that’s what I assume until I realize how bloody vast and empty this castle is.

So I tap into my power to find Kiaran. His power calls to mine like a rope pulling me in. A bond I can’t fully describe. I break into a run, my heels pounding against the floor. The walls stretch farther and farther, twisting and turning, a labyrinth constructed of obsidian.

I follow his power past another bedroom, then down an equally long hallway. Nothing about this place changes, as though each door has been replicated a thousand times, every detail perfectly mirrored.

Just before I make another turn, I spot a shaft of light on one of the walls.There. An open door, the first since I left Kiaran’s bedroom. I slow to a walk, approaching it cautiously. I pause when I see what’s on the other side.

It isn’t another room, but a meadow at nightfall. A full moon hangs low on the horizon, ringed with purple and blue, in a twilight sky. Colors of teal, sapphire, and ebony glow in a gradient that starts at the horizon and extends upward. Beneath the beautiful sky, the meadow is as vast as the ocean.

Kiaran stands some distance from me, grooming a faery horse. The animal is semitransparent, the metal of its coat thin enough that its organs are visible. Even from here, I can see the gold blood pumping through its veins, the rapid pulse of its real horse’s heart. I know from experience that despite being made of metal, the creature is soft to the touch, like nothing human-created. I watch as Kiaran slowly strokes the brush across its back. Over and over.

With my faelike senses, I notice little things about Kiaran’s reaction that I might not have detected without the Cailleach’s power. His breathing is so steady, but it hitches slightly when he realizes I’m behind him. He murmurs a curse.

He keeps brushing the horse in easy strokes. He’s pretending I’m not there. No doubt he came out here for some time alone after what I told him earlier. Kiaran has a tendency to distance himself when he feels too strongly, and he’s already seen me die twice.

Well, he’s just going to have to deal with me. I’m here now. I came back. We have to find the Book. And now I need Sorcha.

I cross the meadow, walking briskly. Grass breaks beneath my boots, and my fingers brush the thigh-high flowers as I head toward Kiaran. The air here is damp but comfortably warm, like the coast on a misty summer morning. The scent of heather and rain grows stronger the farther in I go.

Kiaran doesn’t look up as I approach, but I notice the way his fingers grip the brush harder. His breathing slows as if he’s carefully controlling each inhale, exhale.

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