Page 25 of The Fallen Kingdom

You’ll never forget what you’ve seen. Why do you want to go there again?

I don’t know why I’ve come to the cottage that houses Kiaran’s victims. I don’t know why I put my hand on the doorknob and push my way inside.

Catherine looks up in surprise when I enter—then her expression shows something else. Pity? Sadness? I can’t tell. “Hullo.” She dips a rag into the bowl next to her.

She’s sitting at the bedside of the woman I saw yesterday, still lying there with her eyes fixed on the ceiling. I wince when I notice the unsettling serene smile on her face hasn’t budged. The will-o’-the-wisp remains with its teeth in her neck, though it appears to be fast asleep. There are three marks beside its mouth. Each one of them is still bleeding.

Compelled, I feel for the scars Lonnrach left on me. But when I trace my fingertips down my wrist, I find only smooth, unmarked skin. A blank slate. My scars are like Aithinne’s now: down in the darkest parts of me, hidden from view. Some scars go more than skin deep.

I’ll never forget being that helpless.

My gaze takes in the other beds, the fifteen other people there. Kiaran’s discarded victims. I have to swallow back the bile in my throat.

Are you still you?

I don’t know.

I flinch, unable to look at them anymore. “What are you doing in here?” I ask Catherine, my voice low. As if those people could hear me. As if they weren’t so far gone they were beyond caring. “You should be asleep.”

Catherine wrings out the cloth and presses it to the woman’s forehead. “I don’t sleep much anymore. Not since the pixie kingdom was destroyed.”

I put a comforting hand on her shoulder. Catherine has been my best friend since we were children; we grew up together. While Lonnrach kept me prisoner, she took care of the surviving humans. She’s stronger than I had ever given her credit for.

She smiles at me gently, but I don’t smile back.

I think about everything she’s been through. She watched as the fae slaughtered people she loved. Then she tried to create a home in the pixie kingdom, until the fae came and destroyed that, too.

My fault. The guilt I experienced when Derrick first said my name comes rushing back. The same overwhelming sense of responsibility for every damn thing that’s happened. As if it were a physical weight pressing down on my shoulders and growing heavier with each passing moment.

“Stop it,” Catherine snaps, as if she reads my mind. “Stop blaming yourself. You think I don’t see it? You look at me like I’m a burden. Like we all are.”

“You’re not a burden,” I say. “Not ever.”You’re stronger than I am.

Catherine pulls away from me. “I don’t believe you. You’ve managed to convince yourself that every terrible thing is your fault. And it’s absolutebollocks.”

She always manages to see right through me. Even when I hid being a Falconer from her, she still knew something was wrong. “Bad habit,” I murmur.

“The worst,” she agrees.

My laugh is low, forced. “You know those stories where the lone hero saves the world?” I ask. “Do you ever notice that they don’t talk about what happens if the hero fails?”

Catherine looks impatient. “That’s where it began, wasn’t it? Thinking it wasyourduty to protect us all.” She shakes her head. “We’re not your responsibility, Aileana. This world isn’t your burden. It belongs to all of us.” She gestures to the beds in the room. “Even them.”

All I can do is stare at Catherine, watching how she dips the cloth in the water and presses it to the woman’s face again. “Is this you doing your part?” I ask.

Catherine looks startled by the question. “I suppose. I come here every morning and spend some time with each of them. I don’t know their names, but I talk with them as if I did.”

I study the woman on the bed. Bloody hell, she’s so far gone, I could probably cut her with a blade and she wouldn’t even react.

“Why?” I can’t help how harsh I sound when I add, “It’s not as if any of them can tell you’re there.” The woman is dead. Kiaran found a way to kill humans without stopping their hearts.

If you were alive, you’d wish you had killed me.

Stop it, I tell myself.Stop thinking about it.

Catherine doesn’t seem offended. If anything, she just looks sad. “These people didn’t choose this,” she says. “Isn’t that what separates us fromthem?Theytreat us like we’re cattle. Like we’re expendable.” She holds the woman’s hand in a gentle grip. “If it were me, I’d want someone to treat me with dignity before I died. I’d want someone to believe I mattered.”

I wish I were more like Catherine. Even now, after everything she’s gone through, she’s still kind. She still cares. She didn’t lose those she loved and turn to vengeance.

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