Page 86 of The Vanishing Throne

‘Know this.’ His terrifying fae voice is back, lulling. The words roll off his tongue and make me shiver. ‘If you don’t come back, I’ll leave them all to Lonnrach’s mercy.’

I jerkaway, my fingers curling into fists. Damn it, he’s ruining my goodbye on purpose. ‘You wouldn’t.’

Kiaran watches me with that same distant expression, so cold and deliberate. His faery mask. The part of him that I forget about when he strokes my face or whispers to me in his language or makes me promises. The part of him that lurks just beneath the surface, always. And it isn’t kind. It isn’t gentle. The Kadamach in him is hidden under a guise that is gossamer thin.

‘They mean nothing to me.’ His voice is soft, melodic.

‘Then why fight by my side to save them? You could have let the Seers die yesterday and it wouldn’t have mattered.’

‘Because it would have mattered toyou.’

Just like that, my anger is gone. I find myself moving closer to him until our cold, wet clothes mesh together and his lips are close to my own. ‘What am I to you, MacKay?’ I whisper.

He draws me to him, whispering things that send shivers down my skin. ‘Tha mi duilich,’ he breathes against my temple, so low I only just hear it. ‘When you come back, I’ll show you.’

‘Is that a promise, at least?’

‘Aye.’ I feel his smile, then his lips are on my forehead, so light. So achingly soft. ‘Don’t forget why you’re there,’ he tells me. ‘What’s on the other side won’t want you to return.Turas mhath leat. Ready?’

I take a breath and nod. Kiaran pushes me under the cold water.

At first, everything is fine.Then my lungs begin to burn. Though I know what I have to do, I can’t help but struggle. I buck against Kiaran so I can break to the surface to draw in breath, but he holds me tightly, his body weighing me down. The cold is an impenetrable thing, so heavy on my skin. I open my mouth to breathe, but can’t. Soon, my body goes limp.

Kiaran releases me. I realise this is the last moment I have to change my mind – I have just enough strength to go back to the surface. Ithurts. The pain is spreading through my chest—

No. I have to do this. I stay under the water, feeling my body sinkdown down downuntil my back is against the pebbles at thebottom of the sea. My last memory is Kiaran pressing his lips against mine.

Chapter 29

I’m in a dark forest. The trees are tall, towering, with spiked branches like blades. I can’t see where they end, only the stars above so bright – glowing greens and blues and teals. The sky is a vivid dark blue, so beautiful and like nothing I’ve ever seen before. I lower my gaze to study a narrow path that extends through the woodland. An arch of trees frames the path at both ends, and either way looks like it leadsout of the thick forest.

After a moment’s indecision, I choose a direction and run, sprinting across soft and spongy dirt. There is no sound in the forest, not even my footsteps. No animals, no rustling of any kind. I keep running for the arch of trees, my breath coming fast. I run until the sweat beads my brow, until my breath is a roar.

The trees around me seem to grow higher and thicker and darker, but I focus on the path, on the arch. Surely it can’t be far. It looks like the end of the path isright there, tantalizingly close. I run until I think my lungs will burst, until my chest aches. The trees around me stretch thin, toward the stars.

I have to slow to a jog. My breath heaves. I swallow, but my throat is paper dry. A voice whispers across my mind. Kiaran’s.Just come back.

When I can’t even jog any more, I walk. I focus on Kiaran’s name, on what I have to do. I recall his words in the water, before I was so cold that I felt my body die.What’s on the other side won’t want you to return.

Thenthis path really doesn’t lead anywhere. How many foolish souls have taken it, running either way only to get nowhere at all? I have no time to waste.

I break for the trees off the path, walking slowly around the twisted trunks of the forest. Even with careful, deliberate steps, I trip over roots and fallen branches. Soon, I can’t see anything. I am enveloped in darkness so thick that no light penetrates.

That’s when I hear the screams. People cry out my name, voices I know from my life in Edinburgh. Those who died during the fae attack. They wail,blame me, and curse my name. They are a thousand voices I can’t drown out, coming from all directions.

You failed. You let us all die. You failed.

The guilt is a physical weight that presses down on my shoulders, my chest, until my body is heavy with it. The guilt forces me to replay those final moments next to the seal when I hesitated to click the last symbol in place – and that was all it took. One moment – a single second – of hesitation and it was all over.

Death is her burden. Wherever she goes it follows.

Just when I think I can’t take any more, I remember Gavin’s words.She would have killed you and all this still would have happened. This was always meant to happen.

This was always meant to happen. I would never have succeeded. No matter what, I would have always ended up right here. In this forest.

Don’t forget why you’re there.

I hold onto Kiaran’s reminder and scramble through branches. I try to get away from the voices, but they only grow louder.Your fault. Their accusations are unrelenting in the darkness.Your fault your fault your fault my fault—

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