Page 107 of The Vanishing Throne

‘I don’t feel any different,’ I say.

‘Of course not,’ Derrick says. ‘You were already born with power, you silly human. It just needed to be woken up.’ He flies to the door. ‘Well?’

‘I promised Gavin I’d be down a half hour ago.’ I lean toward him and whisper. ‘Come get me in fifteen minutes just in case I need to be saved.’

‘From whom?’ Derrick flicks his wings. ‘Don’t tell me you’re already fighting with Kiaran after you and he had—’

‘For god’s sake.’ I glare at him. ‘NotKiaran. Daniel. Or possibly Catherine. I still haven’t told her we’re leaving yet.’

Derrick sputters a laugh. ‘You haven’t … ?Oh, I can’twaitto see that.’

I glare at him. ‘Fifteen minutes.’

‘Thirty. I plan to eat everything on the food tables.’

‘You can eat them in ten. I’ll give you twenty-five, just in case you need to go outside and vomit it all up.’

He looks satisfied with that. ‘Deal.’

I nod once and step out of my room. I’m immediately engulfed in the aroma of pine and mince pies and fire and the spices from mulled wine. I’m struck by memories of home, celebrations in the Assembly Rooms, the ballrooms illuminated by firelight. At the time, I thought them so mundane, so dull and exhausting. I never stopped to enjoy the scent, the heat of the flames, the glittering ballroom.

Lanterns float around the buildings, illuminating some of the darkest wynds between the tall tenements. And whatever shadowed closes the lanterns miss, lights strung from window to window more than make up for it. The city is a glowing place, vibrant and beautiful and bright. An orchestra plays in the centre square,fiddlers playing a tune I remember from my stays in the country. People are dancing around the bonfire in the middle, a happy jig with clapping and laughter and skirts swishing. They all look so happy, so joyful, as if nothing terrible happened beyond these walls or in their pasts. I admire them for it.

Derrick flies past me with a shout of glee. ‘If you’ll excuse me, I believe I see some mince pies that need to be in my mouth posthaste.’ With a wink, he swoops down and attacks the pie table with vigor.

I shake my head with a smile and lean against the railing. I hum the tune played for the reel below, swaying with the music. If I close my eyes, I can pretend I’m at the Assembly Rooms back in Edinburgh, listening to the dancers clap and laugh and chatter. The fiddles play on, the music jaunty.

It makes me wish I didn’t have to leave. My time here may not have been ideal, but listening to this – hearing people laugh and dance and play instruments– I missed this. When I was imprisoned, I thought I would never see another human again. I didn’t hear music. There was no joy or voices, except those in my memories.

If I leave tomorrow, I don’t know when I’ll have this again.

‘Do you intend to go down or just watch?’ a voice says.

I whirl to find Gavin behind me on the balcony, holding two steaming mugs. He’s dressed just as I remember him – the perfect gentleman. Black trousers and a silk waistcoat, his dark blue cravat perfectly knotted, his overcoat immaculately pressed. I recognise those clothes. He wore them the night of the battle, when he was supposed to escort me to the Assembly Rooms to announce our engagement. Even his hair has been tamed, pressed down formally. All in contrast to his scars, imperfections on an otherwise immaculate, gentlemanly appearance.

It’s Gavin’s scars that serve as my reminderthat he’s not the man he once was. Neither of us are the same.

‘Would I be welcome if I did?’

Gavin hands me one of the mugs. The scent of mulled wine fills my senses, the heady spices of it, the sweetness. God, I love that scent. Mother used to call for mulled wine in the library during winter. We would drink it next to the fire and play chess or solve puzzles as it rained outside. Those were comfortable days, safe days. My mother used to sip her wine and declare itperfectevery time.

‘Of course you are,’ Gavin says, his voice interrupting my memory. ‘Just because you’re leaving doesn’t mean you’re unwanted.’

‘Daniel’s premonition scared him,’ I say. ‘I don’t blame him for not wanting me here.’

‘Aye,’ he says softly. ‘But that doesn’t mean I don’t wish you would stay.’

‘Maybe after I kill Lonnrach. But before that … I wouldn’t risk it.’ I rest my arms on the balcony, looking down at where Catherine dances with her husband. ‘I still don’t know how I’m going to tell Catherine.’

‘It’s easy. You just say the words.’

Daniel vacates his spot in the quadrille to twirl Catherine in a move that is completely out of step. She laughs.

‘Easy?’ I laugh bitterly. ‘What about when she learns I have fae blood in me?’

‘Aithinne told me everything while Derrick stitched her up. About the kingdoms. About you. Do you know my first thought?’

‘What?’ I’m afraid of what he’ll say.

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