Page 87 of The Falconer

I sit at the window and stare outside. Only half-past four in the afternoon and it’s already nightfall.

‘You weren’t there,’ I say softly. ‘After everything I thought I was capable of – she made me watch her kill my mother all over again.’

I hear the flutter of Derrick’s wings as he lands on my shoulder. ‘I should have been there for you. When I heard she was in the city, I came home as fast as I could, but you had already gone.’

Laughing bitterly, I say, ‘I’m glad you weren’t there. She could have broken me so easily if she wanted to. I can’t believe I let her—’

I stop, unable to say the words.I can’t believe I let her weaken me again. I can’t believe I let her murder my mother again. I can’t believe I let Kiaran get in my way.

‘I know,’ Derrick whispers.

I watch the rain and inhale the scent of damp air. Soft fog lingers in the back garden. At moments like this, I appreciate how the weather in Scotland is never the same, and how swiftly it changes. How the rain itself seems to breathe, soft and slow. Right now, it falls in the same leisurely way feathers do. I open the window and let the wind carry the rain inside, to wet my cheeks and cool my skin.

I’m discovering a new kind of solace in being alone, in appreciating all the things I might never experience if I don’t survive past midwinter. I’ve never been the kind of lass to seek stillness to find meaning. I find meaning in the simplicity of destruction. The calm before a squall presents a moment so profound and quiescent, when the entire world stops and waits.

‘What are you going to do, Aileana?’

‘About what?’

I lean out through the open window. Rain drops feather-light against my face. The cold air blows against me and the soft rain turns to wee pieces of ice that adhere to my hair.

‘Thebaobhan sìth.’

I wince. ‘For the first time in a year, I don’t even want to think about her.’

‘But—’

‘Enjoy this with me,’ I say. ‘Help me forget about last night.’

His wings tickle my cheek as he tangles himself in my hair. ‘Just one thing,’ he whispers. ‘Don’t ever let her break you.’

If he were my size, I would have hugged him. Instead, I lift a hand and stroke the silky softness of his wings. His tiny cheek presses against mine.

Together, we sit and watch the rain fall.

Chapter 28

Past midnight, I am about to leave the house for a hunt when I sense the subtle tang of Kiaran’s power emanating from the hallway. Blast! I hope he isn’t visible for the servants to see him strolling about. I don’t need another problem to add to my ever-growing list.

‘I know you’re there, MacKay, and you can go right back out the way you came in.’

The doorknob twists and catches on the lock. Kiaran swears softly. ‘Open the door, Kam.’

Derrick dives from the windowsill, a red halo of light surrounding him. ‘Oh, good. He’s finally here. I believe I vowed to tear out his innards.’

‘I swear, I am going to kill that damn pixie,’ I hear Kiaran mutter. ‘Kam. Let me in or I’ll remove the door from its hinges. Your choice.’

I bite back my automatic reply:You wouldn’t dare. Because he absolutely would, and I prefer to leave my door just where it is. I can’t believe I’m doing this. I unlatch the lock.

Kiaran stands in the hallway, soaked through from the downpour, hands braced on either side of the doorframe. His dark hair clings to his pale cheeks and his shirt is nearly transparent from the rain, revealing his smooth chest rising and falling with his quick, ragged breaths.

I’m surprised to hear his breathing. Usually he is so silent, every part of him still. ‘What do you want?’ I ask bluntly. I have no energy for politeness.

Kiaran glances behind me. ‘Are you going to invite me in, or shall I continue to drip all over your hallway carpet?’

I step aside to let him pass, and close the door behind him, then lean my back against it. ‘Make this brief. I’m terribly inclined to shoot you again, and this time I’ll aim for something vital.’

Derrick lands on my shoulder. ‘Again?’ He sounds indignant. ‘How did I miss that?’

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