Page 74 of The Falconer

Oh, hell. Oh,hell, I did not consider this thoroughly when he told me he’d come here. This isn’t something my etiquette lessons covered. Miss Ainsley’s book has no chapter titled ‘What to Do When a Gentleman Visits a Lady’s Private Quarters’.

Kiaran settles on my bed –on my bed– and regards me with his usual inscrutable expression. He shouldn’t be here. Surely he knows that people don’t justsleepin—

‘Are you feeling all right?’ he asks.

‘I’m fine.’ Is he supposed to be that beautiful? Damnation, my head hurts. ‘Tea!’ I blurt, grasping the first fragment of Miss Ainsley’s lessons that I can think of. ‘Do you like tea? Would you like me to brew some? I have it all the time with visitors.’

Oh my goodness, what iswrongwith me? ‘Kam.’

‘Which is not to say,’ I continue, unable to stop now, ‘that I have visitors to my bedroom all the time. Who are men. Um. I mean, faeries.’ I wave a hand at the dressing room. ‘Except Derrick, who is . . . out.’

Dash it all, I should never have sent Derrick away. In anticipation of Kiaran’s arrival, I told him to see if his contacts had any new information on thebaobhan sìth, a task that generally keeps him out all night. He could have been right here, telling Kiaran to get off my damn bed and stitch me up already.

‘And he won’t be back for a while, you know.’ I grip the table to steady myself. ‘So—’ Blast. I can’t even think properly any more. ‘Terribly sorry, I forgot what I was talking about.’

Kiaran is lounging on my bed looking downright entertained. ‘We’re alone, without the bothersome pixie,’ he says. ‘And you’re asking me about tea for a reason I can’t fathom.’

Alone. Who knows what I’ll do, considering what’s wrong with me. I might do something ridiculous, or say something regrettable. Well, more regrettable than what I’ve already said.

A sudden onslaught of cold strikes me. I hug myself and stumble to the fireplace with my teeth chattering. Warmth. That’s what I need. That will make everything better. I fumble for the switch to light the fire, but my fingers are too numb to work it.

My legs buckle, but Kiaran is there. He wraps his arms around my waist and stares down at me, his body motionless. God, but his eyes are magnificent. I can see every fleck, every star shining within them. ‘Your eyes glow,’ I murmur. ‘Do you know they glow? Like a bloody street lamp.’

‘Shall I take that as a compliment or a criticism?’

‘An observation.’ A soft sigh almost escapes my lips, but I catch myself. What in the blazes? Am I faestruck? ‘Let me go,’ I tell him before I can stop to truly consider it. I try to push him away. If I’m struck, I’d rather not be so close to him. What if I become some mindless beast and start pawing at him?

‘Your legs don’t appear to be working,’ he says. He presses his palm briefly against my forehead. ‘Your fever is worse than before. I should take out the barbs now.’

How can I have a fever when I’m this cold? I want so badly to lean into him, to wrap my arms around him. He’s so warm. I should pull away. I should. I don’t. ‘You can’t be near me right now,’ I tell him. ‘I think I’m faestruck.’ Why did Isaythat? Have I been robbed of all my blasted senses?

He stares at me. ‘No, you’re not.’

‘Aye, I am.’

Kiaran’s gaze is dark and glittering as he leans in. ‘Is that what you think you feel? Faestruck?’ His lips brush my cheek and my breath catches. ‘Do you crave me, Kam?’ he whispers. ‘Do you ache for me?’

I shiver. I almost grasp his shirt and press my lips against his, just to see if he’ll kiss me back.No, I tell myself. That would be a mistake.

I pull away from him, as much as I can with his arms still around me. ‘Are you trying to make this worse?’

‘The fever might have lowered your inhibitions, but you’re not faestruck,’ he says. ‘If you were, you certainly wouldn’t be lucid enough to ask about it.’

‘Why do I feel like this then?’ I whisper, mostly to myself. Why else would I want so badly to be close to him, despite everything I know he’s capable of? I shouldn’t be thinking about kissing him or touching him. I should be thinking of the best ways to guard myself against him. ‘Are you certain you haven’t accidentally done something to me? Like with Catherine?’

‘You’re a Falconer. I would have to force you under my influence.’ He looks down at me then, unreadable as ever. ‘And that is a line I would not dare cross with you.’

‘You froze me earlier,’ I remind him.

‘I only prevented you from moving,’ he says, his voice soft. ‘You were defiant the whole time. The faestruck don’t fight back, Kam. They don’t resist. They grovel and beg for our touch. They waste away from it and still yearn for more.’ His eyes are dark, so intense. ‘When asìthicheandecides to take a human, it’s not something they walk away from. Not ever.’

My breath catches. ‘Have you done that to someone before?’

‘I don’t have an admirable past, Kam. I never led you to believe I did.’

Kiaran swings me into his arms before I can even protest. Unlike when Gavin held me, the fight leaves my body and I hang limply in Kiaran’s arms, cold and aching. Not even his warmth can seep through my frozen skin. Damn it all. Just for now, I want to stop caring about how I should act, about the pretence of strength that I always put up when I’m around him. All I want right now is to be warm again.

So I rest my head against his shoulder and my fingers on his collarbone. There it is. A hint of heat under my dull, numb skin. I sigh.

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