Page 62 of The Falconer

I gulp. ‘I don’t—’

Father stands, and his wooden chair creaks against the floorboards. I wince.

‘I’ve indulged you,’ he continues, without acknowledging my interruption. ‘I’ve given you an allowance without any objections to your spending. Ignored the gossip about your unconventional hobbies and your improper behaviour.’ He walks to the window and looks out. ‘Even though you’ve shown little respect for what I’ve done for you, I’ve given you chance upon chance. I lied for you. I defended you. A wasted effort, was it not?’

My heart speeds up, painfully fast. ‘I can explain,’ I whisper.

I’m still not certain what he’ll do to me today. This is the first true emotion my father has ever shown me, and it’s terrifying.

Absent father, broken daughter, dead mother. I can’t miss what I never had.

Father turns from the window. ‘Oh, you can explain? You can tell me why you left the ball last night? Why you were nowhere to be found until this morning, when you apparently arrived home in your ornithopter and several people witnessed you in an indecent state of dress with Lord Galloway?’

I’m painfully aware of every second that ticks by, every movement my body makes. It feels like an eternity before my fever-addled mind processes what’s happening.

Oh, God.Oh, God. I thought this was just about leaving the dance. I hadn’t realised someone had seen me with Gavin when we came back. How could I have been so stupid not to notice anyone about?

If I had been in my right mind – if the damn fever hadn’t started the moment Gavin set me in that ornithopter – I might have. I would have come up with a plan to get us both home unnoticed.

There’s not even the slimmest chance of a gentleman offering for me now. I’m utterly ruined. My neighbours saw me dirty and wet and freezing, wearing a scandalously torn gown. I had clutched Gavin’s shoulders once before stumbling into the back garden. The gossip must have spread like wildfire.

I could have explained my absence from the ball. I could have said that I wasn’t feeling well and had to leave. But I can’t give a reason for why Gavin and I were in Charlotte Square in the early hours of this morning, especially with me dressed like that.

I shake my head. The words won’t form and I can’t even think up a lie to save me. ‘I-I wasn’t—’

‘Wasn’t what? Dressed indecently? With Lord Galloway?’

It doesn’t matter what I say. His opinion of me won’t change. He’s never had any use for me and now he’s burdened with the daughter who let his wife die, who he’ll never marry off now.

‘Those things are true,’ I whisper, closing my eyes briefly. ‘Father, please. Gavin – I mean, Lord Galloway – he—’ My voice shakes and I steady it. ‘He has been nothing but honourable towards me.’

My throat is already swollen from the illness, so it hurts to swallow. I cough once, repress another. My eyes burn.

I should be relieved that I don’t have to pretend to be proper any more. I shouldn’t care. I shouldn’t. But ruin is the thing all noble ladies fear the most. My future may not include surviving on the charity of others, but I’ve shamed my mother’s memory. Father and I are stuck with each other now.

‘Irrespective of that,’ he says, ‘Lord Galloway has graciously offered for you. I have accepted on your behalf.’

I barely register his words, unable to properly piece them together amid my fevered thoughts. It can’t be true. Surely it can’t. ‘Pardon?’

‘I accepted his offer,’ Father says. ‘You are to be married forthwith, before the talk intensifies.’

‘No.’ I say the word before I can stop it. This isn’t right. Gavin doesn’t deserve this, especially not after helping me.

Father leans forward. ‘Understand this, Aileana. Galloway has agreed to wed you in a fortnight. Youwillmarry him.’

I stand and have to grasp the arm of the chair so I don’t fall. ‘This ismyfuture, not yours. Am I to have no say in the matter?’

‘The only other choice I had,’ he says coldly, ‘was to put a bullet in his heart from forty paces.’

‘If my honour needs defending,’ I say, ‘I can do it myself.’

Father looks tired. ‘Do you think this is only about you?Yourhonour?’ He closes his eyes. ‘One night of thoughtless frivolity and you have managed to tarnish our family name, my standing, and your mother’s memory. What wouldshethink, Aileana?’

My resolve almost shatters. ‘Please don’t. Don’t make me do this.’

Father returns to his papers, picking up his pen again. ‘Marriage to Lord Galloway is the only option you have.’ He looks past me again, same as always. ‘Now, I’ll be busy this week making the arrangements. In the meantime, I expect you to conduct yourself in public in a manner befitting your future husband. Duty first.’

‘And what I want isn’t important,’ I whisper to myself.

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