Page 45 of The Falconer

It’s unnerving to watch him refill it again, although it’s completely understandable, given the circumstances. Gavin is trembling so badly that a dribble of whisky sloshes onto the carpet between his feet. He doesn’t appear to notice.

Unable to bear it, I look away and continue tracing the tapestry stitching. ‘Did you . . . did you always have the Sight?

‘No,’ he says quietly. ‘Not always. You?’

I shake my head. ‘When did you know?’

‘Shortly after I arrived in Oxford,’ he says. ‘Believe me when I say I regret ever leaving here.’

‘What happened?’

He’s silent for the longest time. ‘Pneumonia, the physician said. I had the Sight throughout my illness.’ His laugh is bitter. ‘I thought it was hallucinations brought on by the fever, but when I became well again, it didn’t go away.’

I know precisely what that means: Gavin died sometime during his illness.

In the Highlands, they call the Second Sighttaibhsearachd. I’ve also heard it referred to simply as The Curse. The potential for it is quietly passed down the male line, dormant until the ability finally manifests – something that happens very rarely. The Sight can only be awakened when one of them dies and is brought back to life. Derrick once told me that when a potential Seer dies, he is able to experience the other side, to see beyond the veil of the human realm.

If brought back to life, he becomes ataibhsear, a Seer. One of the cursed. I would never wish it on my worst enemy.

‘No one even told me you were unwell.’

‘No one knew.’ At my frown, he says, ‘I couldn’t write. Not to you, Catherine or Mother. What could I say? That rather than studying, I spent half my time poring over superstitious nonsense to find out what was wrong with me?’

‘Perhaps you should have come home.’

‘Yes, brilliant idea,’ he says, scowling at me. ‘And what did I find? My oldest friend in possession of a pixie, despite the rather disturbing fact that the fae kill humans without remorse.’

I push away from the tapestry. ‘Derrick is my friend.’

‘The fae don’t have friends,’ he snaps, slamming the glass down onto the table. I jump, startled. ‘That pixie will betray you. It’s in his nature. They’re monsters. I’ve seen—’ He stops and shakes his head.

The silence between us stretches vast, filled only by the crackle of wood from the fireplace. I want to say that I know what horrors he’s seen, because I’ve witnessed them all myself.

I sit on the leather couch across from him. ‘Tell me why you asked me to come.’

‘Aileana—’

‘Tell me,’ I say again. I almost reach out and grasp his hand, but stop short. ‘It wasn’t just to chastise me.’

‘No.’ His fingers trace the rim of the glass, along the pattern etched there. ‘It was to caution you. If you keep that pixie, you’re already too deep in their world. You should get out now.’

Get out now. It’s too late for that. I’ll never get out even if I decide I want to. They’ll find me, hunt me down to the furthest reaches of this earth because I’m apparently the sole person alive who can fight them. Gavin doesn’t know that I’m in this until I’m dead.

‘What’s it like for you?’ I whisper.

He stares into the fireplace. ‘I have visions of the kills before they happen, see the events as if I were there.’ He finally looks at me. ‘I feel what they do, over and over again. I die each time.’

I swallow the lump in my throat. I knew Seers had visions, but not how real they could feel. I’ve never seen Gavin look so haunted and vulnerable and utterly alone.

‘All of them?’ My voice almost breaks. I almost ask if he saw my mother die. If he was forced to live through what I witnessed that night. God, I hope not. Only one of us should be burdened by what happened.

‘No,’ he says. ‘The visions are limited by distance.’

I should be relieved, but I’m not. The manner of my mother’s death was but one example of the ways in which the fae kill, and they can be so creative in their torture.

‘I’m sorry.’ Such an inadequate thing to say.

Gavin refills the glass and sits down across from me again, saluting me with his drink. ‘I appreciate the obligatory, unnecessary apology.’

---