Page 31 of Of Blood and Smoke

I could’ve finished her and no one would have complained; it was my right because she’d offered. I could’ve fucked her to within an inch of her life and provided both of us with undeniable bliss and no one would’ve faulted me.

But if I had done so, the guilt would’ve been overwhelming. Thankfully, my friend saved me from that agony as well as the pain of incompletion.

I was fucked. Fucked just like Micha was fucked.

And I had no idea what to do about it.

SEVENTEEN

Josiah

With a shove, I tossed Jayne back to Micha. “I’m leaving,” I announced.

He glanced up at me, stunned. “What? Are you all right, my friend?”

“That remains to be seen,” I bit out, both angered and worried.

Storming to the restrooms, I ignored every greeting sent my way. The doors slammed open before me, loosening the molding, and I rested against the counter, my hands gripping the edge. All my training—years and years of it, and nothing had prepared me for this.

Minutes ticked by while I waited to fully calm down, promising myself I wouldn’t do anything stupid. I’d stay in control. I wouldnotfalter.

After cleaning myself up, I ran a hand through my hair, straightening it, and rebuttoned my shirt. Next, I smoothed my suit jacket, buttoning the single button on my righthand side. It was a newer style, but I liked the sharp cut and angle, the coat’s quarters dipping slightly lower in the front. I looked every bit the part of a powerful being I should have.

Satisfied, I grabbed my phone and instructed my driver to be out front waiting for me.

I’d severely compromised myself.It would’ve been so much simpler if I’d just gone home but I couldn’t. Despite Micha’s assistance at slaking my lust, another ache remained, and I found myself climbing out of the car.

Over the years, we found that giving each other a literal hand when it came to sex allowed us to clear our minds and avoid unnecessary and distracting entanglements with humans. Of course, we could masturbate on our own, but it was more fun using the other. We could get along for a while, using the benefits of our friendship but it just wasn’t what either of us preferred.

I stared at the decaying pile of concrete, a case study in Eastern European depression, from the shadow of a streetlamp. Sirens blared in the distance, competing with the lilting chirps of crickets and the dull din of traffic. An engine revved nearby, followed by laughter and cursing. Glass shattered somewhere in the background, pulling me from my thoughts and spurring me forward. She was alone, inside the building, her heartrate calm and her breathing even.

She was asleep—as she should be.

Waving my hand over the exterior keypad, I let myself in and climbed the stairs to her apartment. I repeated the same action at her door and then stepped inside.

Half-filled moving boxes littered the floor, her space in disarray. It appeared she’d been angry while packing, if the scattered chaos was any indication of her mental state. Whatcould’ve caused her such distress. With a soft “tsk” I pushed a carton to the side with my shoe.

Carefully stepping between the errant boxes, I made my way to her room. The risk I was taking was huge, having not disguised myself in any fashion, but I couldn’t help it, the craving for her was too strong.

What if she rejected me? She had every reason to do so, and she’d be smart if she did. She could certainly do better than a distracted vampire.

When I found myself beside her door, I dragged my hand down my face and took a deep breath attempting to get hold of my insecurity. As it were, she practically ran away from me whenever I came within twenty feet of her—and yes, that was my fault.

The scent of fear when I stalked around the office clung to her like a sheen of sweat. The anxiety over not meeting my gaze tinged her aura with a darkness that both saddened and compelled me. I wanted to consume that terror, gulp down its juicy sweetness and relieve her of her burden.

None of my feelings were ethical, considering I was her boss. None of my feelings were acceptable, considering the Ancients forbade what I really wanted. My present actions flew in the face of everything I’d stood for. I’d left the High Court, but I hadn’t truly let go.

There was also the matter of my having an unfortunate history of relationships with human wards, which was a shining example of why such activity was not tolerated. It would be for the best if I stayed away.

I’d had a relationship with an assistant in the Second Realm, with a woman whose company I’d very much enjoyed. To my never-ending ire, she was utilized in whatever manner my superior, Sem, dictated and because of that she was shared. Ididn’t love the woman, but I also hadn’t wanted her passed around.

Any woman who found herself in my clutches should be entirely, and utterly,mine. Not even Micha would be allowed to touch my female companion, and I’d always returned the same respect on the rare occasion he was fixated on someone.

Here, in the Third Realm, my word was law.

Clearly, Micha and I weren’t shy around each other and were familiar with the other’s bodies. Being constant companions for eons will do that, and our closeness was used tactically or out of necessity. Either way, our women donors were community property but the same couldn’t be said for the subjects of our devoted attention.

Not even he knew of my obsession. It’d grown uncontrollably since the moment I’d laid eyes on her. The very second her big, bright eyes had peeked around the fence, it was over. Her gaze had told me nearly everything I needed to know to become fixated with her. She possessed one of the kindest hearts I’d ever encountered, an innate goodness and love of her family tempered with an admirable determination to survive.

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