Page 38 of Cathmoir's Sons

Jane tells me what she knows about Carrie’s clan father, an elderly, traditional shifter named Sheshdhar. Unfortunately, it isn’t very much. There was no love lost between them, yet Carrie kept to the laws of her clan all her life, even refusing to have the children she and Jane both wanted because same-sex couples are forbidden from reproducing by the shifter clans.

Without any idea of what the key might be, our speculation finally peters out. Jane puts the letter down on the coffee table and reaches for a leather-bound book sitting beside a potted plant with a white flower on it.

“This came for you,” she says, handing the book to me.

My cat’s purring doubles in volume.

I can guess who it’s from.

I run my hand down the embossed cover. It’s beautiful, stamped and gilded. It takes me a minute to figure out the design, which is buried in scrollwork and repeating crescents.

It’s a crow in profile.

I open the book, noting the thick, creamy paper stock. It’s full of blank pages. Not a book, then. A journal.

I flip back to the beginning. The first several pages are written on. I find the first page and read what he’s written.

You told me to ask you for a kiss every day. To remind you that we never know how much time we’ll have and not to waste a moment. To say that Teddy misses her Other Gabe every day and would give anything for one more kiss.

I know why you won’t give me your kisses. I understand your anger and disappointment in me. In all of us. I wish I could promise that we’ll never hurt you again, but I think that would be a false promise. I don’t want to be false with you again. You told me that we are Cait and Crow and our souls don’t lie to each other. I believe that and I swear to be truthful with you going forward, even if it hurts.

If we can’t give each other kisses, can we give each other our small truths? I’ve written out one of mine for you. Will you write me one of yours?

I love you. I’m sorry for hurting you.

Lawson

I wipe my eyes. I close the journal and with my claws I writeThe Kiss Bookbeneath the crow on the cover. Then I open the journal to the second page and read the story Law’s gifted me.

My great-grandfather died when Lu and I were six.

He’d been sick for months, his fur falling out, his gums pulling back from his teeth. When he came to dinner, he’d pull a tooth out and leave it with us. He told us we could keep the Tooth Fairy’s silver.

Cait hide when we feel death is coming, like our little mortal kin. We hadn’t seen our great-grandfather in days. The adults were looking for him. Luca and I didn’tunderstand why. Cait don’t live in each other’s pockets, particularly the old ones. They’re solitary.

We tagged after Mom through the woods near Cait House when the adults went out looking for him, but we ran off to play hide-and-seek. Luca found him. I found them. Luca had curled around our great-grandfather’s body at the base of a tree. They were both in their fur.

I shifted and spread myself over both of them. Luca and I can talk into each other’s minds when we’re in our Cait forms. I don’t know if you knew that. He told me we needed to warm our great-grandfather up. He was so cold.

We lay there for hours. The woods were cold. His body was colder. It seemed to suck all the heat out of us. As he slowly changed back into his skin, he never got any warmer.

Finally, we heard Mom calling us. We ran back to Cait House and led her to our great-grandfather’s body. She picked him up like he weighed no more than Luca or I did and carried him back to Cait House.

I thought she’d get him warm and he’d wake up.

But he never did.

The next day, Dad and the older cousins built a pyre near the Trophy House. They laid great-grandfather’s body on the pyre. In Cait tradition, we all rubbed cane oil on hisarms, legs, and chest. Touching his cold skin, seeing him still and unmoving a day later, I began to understand.

He wasn’t asleep.

Dad poured the rest of the oil over the pyre. The spicy-sweet scent made me dizzy. I didn’t see Dad light the pyre. The next thing I knew, Luca was screaming, trying to snuff the flames. Mom pulled him back. His hands were burned. I licked them better while Mom held us and rocked us and explained that great-grandad was going to live with the ancestors. He didn’t want to be trapped in his cold skin anymore and we had to set him free. I thought I could see his spirit rising with the sparks of the pyre. When I pointed out the spirit-sparks to Luca, he finally calmed down. We held each other and watched the fire burn down until Mom took us inside.

Our magic came a few years later. Young. Long before puberty. I was a menace with my Element for years, until I learned to control it. No matter how many times I burned something by accident, no matter how often I was scolded or punished for losing control, I was always happy that I got Fire, because then I’d never be trapped in cold flesh when I died.

I didn’t find out until years later that great-grandfather’s soul didn’t go to live with the ancestors.It went to the Umbra Woods to writhe in agony, to feed the Erinyes, along with all the other souls of the Cait that Gwyn ap Nudd sentenced to an eternity of torment with your death and the destruction of the Crow Queens’ Courts.

Until you freed their souls and laid them to rest at Ceòfuar. Your court is the tomb of my forefathers. And I will always be grateful to you for that, Kellan.

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