“My piskie sheep are at your service,” I tell her. “Just return them when you’re done. I like them and I haven’t figured out themechanics of lambing in a realm where it’s always summer, so I’m not sure if they’ll make more.”
Teddy chuckles. “You can be fairly certain piskie sheep reproduce, even in the Summerlands. As do bwg. Your castle will be overrun by the time you go back.”
I almost say the brownies can have my castle. It barely ever felt like mine. It was a dream, then a series of strange compulsions, then a grave, then ... for a dizzy moment, a playground for me and my boyfriend.
Now it’s just another place where the three boys who broke my heart betrayed me.
I’ve hadtwo more tequila shots, and my head is doing lazy revolutions by the time I call it a night and crawl into bed. Larissa climbs in next to me and is out, snoring softly, within what feels like seconds.
I guess I should expect it when another body slides into the bed.
“Law, if that’s you, fuck off before I send you to Hell. I’m not kidding. I’ll do it.”
Teddy chuckles.
“Uncle Jou would love that,” she says, wriggling under the covers until she’s pressed against my side. I slide my arm under her head and lie on my back beside her, looking up at the dark ceiling.
“Tell Jou to give him such a hard time,” I say. “Because it’s bound to happen sooner or later.”
If only because Lawson’s the pushiest creature in existence.
“I will. Baby’s on my side of the bed. Try not to trip over her when you get up to pee. Now tell me what’s really going on.”
“Did Gabe or Charlie or Dar ever break your heart?” I ask.
“Yes,” she says quietly. “In the past and in the future.”
I’m silent for a moment as that sinks in through my tequila haze.
“I’m sorry,” I say.
“We got past it. I won’t say we got over it, ‘cause there’s some things you never get over. But we grew beyond it. We forgave each other and found other ways to love each other. This ain’t about me. What the fuck is goin’ on with you?”
“Teddy, I don’t even know how to explain. Or what to do about it.”
“What do youwantto do about it?”
“Run away?” I suggest.
Teddy’s soft laugh echoes in the dark. “Always a good option, mate. Come back to Thistlemist with me and Rach for Hogmanay. Fuck this place and those boys.”
“I can’t leave Jane alone,” I explain. “I know she looked like she was holding it together tonight. She’s not.”
“Bring her. We’ll take care of her at Thistlemist. I can’t even imagine how she must be feeling,” Teddy says quietly. “How long were she and Carrie together?”
“Seventy-two years.”
“By the Mother.” Teddy sighs. “I know it’ll happen to us someday. Dar will probably outlive us by several hundred years. Same as his dad’s outlived all his wives. But right now, it’s unimaginable, the thought of losing any of my boys.”
I push away the thought that I’ve lost my boys. They’re not mine; they never were; it was all lies. “Yeah.”
We contemplate the depths of my mentor’s loss in silence for a long while. As I’m beginning to drift, Teddy says, “I know why you felt you had to stay away, Kells. But I hope you never forgot for a second that we love you. You’ve always got a place with us.Ripped me up that I couldn’t be with you when you were goin’ through the worst of it. Fucking spawn.”
I shift my arm until I can wrap it around her shoulders and give her a squeeze. “Love you, too, girlfriend. But there are some things I have to do alone.”
“No, Kells, you don’t,” Teddy says firmly. “I know you think you do. Charlie told me what you said to him, that you had to walk your Path alone. I pushed to get us all together tonight to remind you that you don’t. You have people all around you who love you. Who will always stand beside you. You are not alone.”
I sniffle. “Teddy.”