Page 159 of Cathmoir's Sons

“Probably,” I agree. “I like Evan. I respect him. But I have my own Path, my own thoughts, my own needs. I don’t agree that you’re leading me astray. And if he was really concerned about it, he wouldn’t be willing to fight with us. Which he volunteered to do when I called him.”

Caileán hums. “That’s kind of him but?—”

“Baby,” I say gently. “Stop trying to do everything alone.”

She huffs. “I don’t.”

“You absolutely do. The only person you’re really willing to include in all your nefarious plans is Law and that’s because he’s a hundred times more nefarious than you are.”

“He is terrible, isn’t he?”

“Terribly wonderful? Yeah, I know what you’re really thinking. I think it about Lu a dozen times a day. I completely understand what loving a Cait is like. It’s impossible and maddening and wonderful. Give into it. Lean on us. Trust your allies. We believe in you. Believe in us.”

“I do believe in you,” Caileán insists.

“Then believe in yourself. Believe in your ability to have good things. Believe in your ability to be loved. Is that what this is really about? That you’ve been told you’re dark, Unseelie, so you’re not worthy of love? Is that why you have to go it alone?”

“No, I?—”

“Baby,” I admonish, because I’ve hit the nail right on the fucking head.

She nestles and huffs and eventually nods.

“Caileán, you are worthy of all the love that I and Luca and, yes, even Law have to give you. You’re worthy of the love of your friends. You’re worthy of the admiration of your allies.” I circle her with my arms and squeeze her tightly. “You’re allowed to have good things, baby.”

“Even if I do bad things? Even if I release the Graeae to ravage Scilla? Even if I kill?”

“Even then. Even if the good things you try to do have unexpected consequences. Even if you have to choose between the lesser of two evils. Even if, sweetheart. You are still worthy of love. This isn’t just about being Unseelie fae, is it? It’s about having to win to earn your parents’ love and never feeling you were good enough. It’s about your asshole ex choosing your sister over you. It’s about all the ways the world has told you no. I’m telling you yes, Caileán. And I’m the only voice that matters.”

She chuckles tearily. “Law wouldn’t agree.”

“He wouldn’t agree I’m the only voice that matters, but he’d absolute agree with everything I’ve just said. You know it’s not just the fated mates thing for him and Lu, right? They both adore you. I can’t believe I’m saying this, but Law ishappywith you. I hadn’t seen the asshole happy for two consecutive minutes in the three years I’d known him. But he’s happy with you. He’s fuckinggiddy. I need to bleach my ears when he talks about you kissing his toe beans, but that’s how insanely happy he is with you.”

Caileán chuckles. “He is giddy, isn’t he?”

“Damn right he is. Don’t think Lu or I are any less happy, either.”

“Well, you’ve never asked me to kiss your feet.”

I poke her in the ribs. Smile at her wild giggle. “That can be arranged, toe wench. Now, are you good? Grounded? Ready to take on the world and the Oak King?”

She sighs. “Yes. I’m sorry to unload all of my worries on you?—”

“Neverapologize for that. I’m here for every one of your worries.”

“You can tell me your worries, too, you know.”

“I do know that, baby. You’re not just my queen, you’re my partner. I know that right down in my bones. Only worry I have right now is you leaving me behind when you go to fight the Oak King. I won’t make you promise not to, but I’ll exercise those legs and lungs if you do.”

She shifts and kisses the underside of my chin. “I won’t. I want to, but I won’t. I understand everything you’re saying. Is that really your only worry? I know you’ve been remembering things from the past, um?—”

“My past life. You can say it. I’m ... okay about it. It is a little freaky to suddenly remember something like the color of your scarf but it’s not intrusive. You felt like you were losing time, right?”

She nods. “Long gaps in my unawakened memory.”

“I don’t feel like that. It’s more like something I forgot until I’m reminded. Like, can you remember your birthday parties as a kid? They were a big deal. But I only remember them when something reminds me. You know, what superhero was on my cake or which uncle got shit-faced and fell into the lake. And it’s only flashes or quick impressions, not a complete memory. That’s what remembering Rhodrhi’s life is like. His life could have been a movie I saw that I didn’t retain much from.”

“That’s not at all what it felt like when I was waking. Rhodrhi’s memories are kind to you.”

---