Page 24 of Daddy P.I. 3.0

“About me? Sorry, sweetheart, I keep interrupting. Keep going. Tell me what you’re worried about.”

“I’m worried there’s all this pressure on you. You have lots of worries, too. Much more than just one. I know I’m very little but I want you to share them with me. I know you talk to Niall some and Mac some and Max some and Warrin some—I know you have domly support—but I also worry that you censor yourself so they’ll think you’re okay. It’s okay not to be okay, Daddy.”

Logan’s breath hitches. He curls over me, resting his head on mine, his hand sliding down my back. “Baby, my baby, you’re so wonderful.”

“Love you, Daddy.”

“I love you, too, sweetheart. I haven’t been okay. Finding out about Livvy flattened me. It was the worst feeling, knowing Miranda had done that. I don’t think I’ve ever been that angry. It felt like I’d never get away from her. I’d always have this reminder of how she broke my trust and used me. I feltvictimized. That’s not a feeling I’ve ever had before, Emmy. I had no idea how much it hurt.”

Daddy, my poor Daddy. I reach up and wrap my arms around his shoulders even though it’s a weird stretch. Daddy realizes it in a second, straightens up, and pulls me up into his lap. I curl around him, hugging him hard.

“I’ve never hated anyone the way I hate her. It’s a terrible emotion, hatred. I’ve been angry at people before. The pirates who killed my crewmate. The drunk driver who caused my parents’ deaths. I’ve felt rage but nothing like this. I wasn’t even sure I could be your Daddy while I felt so much hatred toward her. I know I pulled away from you and drank my emotions for a day. Thank you for giving me that space, sweetheart. Thank you for rescuing me that night. I needed both so much.”

“I’ll always rescue you, Daddy,” I promise.

He rocks me, his arms so tight around me it’s hard to breathe but I don’t need oxygen when I’m a fierce, white baby-dragon, protecting my big Daddy-dragon against the Mir-witch.

“And on top of it was the wonder of being a father. I didn’t really want that until I met you. Now I want a great, big family with you but not withher. She took that away from me: the amazing feeling of finding out I’m going to be a father, which I should have shared with you. Instead, she has those moments, and I hated her all the more for that. I’ve been ruthless in taking Livvy away from her. I know I have. I’ve been brutal and uncompromising. And I’ve been worried you would think less of me for that. But I needed an outlet for all that hatred or I was going to explode.”

Oh, poor Daddy. I didn’t realize he was concerned about what I’d think of the custody case. Honestly, I was just so worried he wouldn’t win that I didn’t think of much else.

“I understand, Daddy,” I say soothingly. “I actually think you’ve channeled it constructively. I don’t know everythingabout Miranda the way you do but I know you’ll be a much better parent than she would be. She’s a narcissist, just like my ex-husband. Narcissists aren’t good for anyone, much less a little kid.”

“Thank you, baby doll. I’m going to try very hard to give Livvy the father she deserves. I worry that I’ll look at her and see that woman. That I won’t be able to separate them in my heart. Do you think that could happen?”

I rub my cheek against his while I think it over. No, I don’t think Logan is like that. I think once Livvy gets here he’ll be so head-over-heels in love with her that he’ll have a hard time remembering Miranda’s name. Particularly since he’s working through so many emotions before she even arrives. But I don’t want to shut the door on any of his concerns.

“I think the further away we get from everything that’s happened with Miranda and the more memories you make with Livvy, the less you’ll connect them,” I suggest. “But if you start feeling that way, please talk to me about it. I won’t blame you, Daddy. I’ll help.”

He squeezes me. “I know you will, my baby. I do have a lot of worries about this situation but the thing I’m not worried about at all? Talking to you about it. You’ve been so supportive about everything. Thank you, sweetheart. I can’t thank you enough.”

I huggle him for a long time before wriggling back down to the floor and resting my head on his thigh. “Did you want to tell me a good thing?”

He chuckles. “Yes, I got sidetracked in my worries, there, didn’t I? The good thing, other than you because you’re my little wonder, is Mac becoming a member at Blunts. I didn’t realize how alone I’d started to feel there until his membership came down to the vote. I know I’ve got Bull and Maude and Javier in my corner but it’s not the same. I began feeling like it was me against them with all this age-play business. Having Mac in mycorner makes all the difference. He’s a ringer. They really have no idea what’s coming for them.”

I rub my cheek against his thigh. “Is age-play still really divisive, Daddy?”

I hate that it is but I’ve come to accept it. Some of the Masters and house submissives won’t ever feel comfortable around me. As Daddy says, that’s on them. I’m living my truth. If they don’t like it, they can stay away from me.

“It is but I think it’s more about change than age-play. I’ve come back to the club and made all of these changes. I got rid of Rachel and shifted the balance of power among the house-submissives. Brenna fell for Mac and resigned. She was a big favorite among the hard sadists, particularly Ten, and he’s struggling to get over her. I’ve reinstated the Monday play nights and organized activities and group scenes that emphasize play rather than punishment. I’ve demanded that age-play be accepted and created the Nursery. I’ve taken back the title of Master of Training. It’s a lot of change in a short time and I’ve been feeling the backlash. But with Mac at my back, it’s just the beginning.”

“Wow, Daddy.” I wrap my arm around his shin and hug his leg. “That is a lot when you put it all together. I’m glad you have Master Mac to support you now. I know you have to keep management committee stuff secret but you can talk to me about your worries, even if you just make it super-vague.”

Daddy chuckles and strokes my head. “I don’t want you to feel left out, sweetie but I also don’t want you to feel resentful toward the members who have opposed me. You doing things like inviting Ten to participate in the Halloween party helps heal the rifts my insistence on change is creating. I need your support just as much as I need Mac’s.”

“You have it, always-always-always, Daddy.”

“Thank you, my baby girl. Should we have five minutes of subbie-Zen? Then I know a little girl who needs her sit-spots revisited with Belphegor, because Daddy neglected them last night.”

He really didn’t. I shift on said achy spots. “Could I just have Belphegor on my boobies instead?” I ask.

Daddy chuckles. No, I didn’t think so.

eight

EMILY

If Knee Timewas unexpectedly easy, then journaling is unexpectedly hard.

---