Page 120 of Ulune's Daughter

But Rhodes wasn’t just a prospective boyfriend. I let him in, even when I told my cat I wouldn’t. I wrapped him into my small inner circle and shared the things I care about with him. He’s the person I looked forward to telling about my day. He’s the one I wanted to play the new song I heard to, to tell the joke that tickled me. He’s the one I trusted to follow my lead without question in Turkey. He’s the one who made everything seem lighter, less overwhelming. So why did I push him away when I was at my lowest?

And Lawson’s not a consolation prize. He and Rhodes occupy different places in my heart. They’re very different people and my feelings for them are different, if no less intense. Lawson may take my mind off losing Rhodes, but he won’t lessen my regret.

I will always regret it if I let Rhodes go without a fight.

I pick up the phone and dial.

He answers on the second ring. “Kells, I’ve been waiting ... I mean, I’ve been hoping you’d call?—”

Before my courage deserts me, I blurt, “I am so sorry for ghosting you. I can’t apologize enough. I’ve been going through some shit but that’s not an excuse. Just please know that I’m sorry and if you give me another chance, I won’t disappear again.”

“I, uh.” He’s silent for a long moment. I squeeze my eyes closed against the rejection I can feel brewing. “You’re apologizing to me?”

“Yes?” I squeak.

His warm, deep chuckle rolls into my ear like the tide. “You sure?”

“Yes. Yes, I’m sure. I’m apologizing. I’m sorry, Rhodes. Very sorry. I wasn’t playing games?—”

“Kells, you don’t need to apologize to me. I’m the one who blew it by kink-shaming you. I was afraid I couldn’t give you what you need and instead of talking it through with you, I hid like an insecure little bitch. I’m the one who needs to apologize. I never should have left that morning without saying goodbye. I never should have come to your museum when I was feeling rocky; that place freaks me out. I should never have sent you those stupid texts, hiding how hurt I was. I promised you emotional honesty and I stumbled at the first hurdle. You should be shouting at me instead of apologizing.”

I grip the phone and blink through my very blurry vision. I knew he drew away after we had sex, but I thought he blamed me for being too much rather than himself for not being enough.

“Mutual fuck up?” I suggest, my voice cracking.

“Mutual fuck up,” he agrees. “Can I see you? Now?”

“Yes. Absolutely.” I look around the library. I don’t want to leave, but surely I can’t ask him to come here. “Er, where?”

“Come away with me for the weekend?”

“Away with you?” I start to say I can’t possibly go away for the weekend, then stop myself. Carrie told me to answer my phone and say yes. She’d clearly Seen something, but visions of the future are notoriously hazy. Even Carrie’s. Enough is lining up. This is the moment when I need to say yes. “Yes. Let’s go away for the weekend. Where are we going?”

“Skiing. Blow off whatever plans you have for the Hallow and come skiing with me. We’ll play in the snow all day and play in the hot tub all night. We’ll throw ourselves naked into the snow to honor the Mother?—”

“No.” A chuckle bursts out of me. “Naked in the snow is a deal-breaker.”

I can hear Rhodes smile into the phone. “But that’s a yes to coming skiing?”

“It’s a Hell-yes,” I say, so he can’t be in any doubt about my enthusiasm.

“Can I pick you up in a couple of hours? I need to call in some favors and find us a place?—”

I interrupt him. “My friends have a lodge on Prospect Mountain. I’ll text them just to make sure it’s okay, but they’ve told me a hundred times the door’s always open.”

“If you’re sure they won’t mind, that sounds great.” He clears his throat with a click. “Kells, I want this. I want to go away with you. I want to make everything up to you. I want to hold you and hear what’s been going on with you. I don’t care about the skiing or where we end up going, just as long as it’s you and me.”

“Emotional honesty?” I ask.

“Uh-huh, emotional honesty.”

I give him mine back. “I want all that, too. There’s so much I want to tell you. A dozen times a day, I must have thought, ‘wait until I tell Rhodes that’ ... I missed you. Not just as my boyfriend, but as my friend. I know that sounds lame and I’m not saying I don’t want to be your girlfriend ... I just missed you.”

He groans softly. “Fuck, I missed you too. When can I pick you up?”

“Give me two hours? We should take my Jeep. The lodge is at the end of a dirt road that will tear the undercarriage straight off of your car. Meet me at my place?”

“See you then.”

---