Page 66 of Soulless Rivalry

“I danced so many times on that stage. The planks were always sturdy. None of them moved or wobbled,” she whispered to herself more than to us, closing her eyes and letting silent tears fall down her cheeks.

I gulped, then climbed into bed right behind her and wrapped my arms around her for comfort. She had always been the one person I could rely and count on, ever since we met. I had Mia too but she had her own things to deal with and got easily overwhelmed. Mia was fragile and not someone I felt comfortable crying in front of, but Briar?

Briar was there on the nights when my mom had tried killing herself. She was there when we were roommates the first yearand I’d wake up crying after a bad dream. She was there when I needed to vent about my family.

She was a sister to me, and it hurt knowing there wasn’t anything I could do to fix this for her.

Usingthe light on my phone, I walked slowly down the stairs leading to the secret room, the wall shutting down behind me with a quiet thud. I was bone tired, it was well past midnight but I had promised Konstantin that I’d show up, so I would.

Light shone from down the stairs, making me frown. It wasn’t as cold either, and I only discovered why when I stepped into the main room.

“You made a fire?”

Konstantin turned around from where he’d been feeding small pieces of wood into the fireplace. He straightened up and dusted his pants off. He was only wearing black joggers and a matching long-sleeved thermal shirt.

He looked good enough to eat, but my mood was down from everything that happened earlier.

“Yeah, I have no idea where the fumes escape to, but it’s working.”

The sofa was covered by a black sheet, which gave it a cleaner look. I was glad we wouldn’t have to worry about the deeply incrusted dust giving us a rash or something.

I stared at the fire for a few seconds, lost in thought until Konstantin’s voice broke the silence.

“Come here.” He nodded to the spot next to him and I obeyed, too tired to think anything through.

I let myself fall on the couch next to him, and he brought me against his chest. I felt my whole body relax as I let out a deep sigh.

“I have to be up early tomorrow so I can say goodbye before she leaves,” I warned, like a way to say I wasn’t in the mood for anything other than sleep and possibly a few cuddles.

“I’ll make sure to wake you up. Is she… okay?”

It would never not feel weird hearing Konstantin inquire about someone’s well-being, especially someone who wasn’t from his family.

“No, she’s not,” I sniffled, feeling tears of sadness and exhaustion streaming down my face, “her leg is broken in two places and they’re supposed to operate tomorrow. We don’t know if she’ll ever be able to dance again. She’s inconsolable.”

He said nothing and just held me tight. It was crazy how natural it felt to be held by him in this way. I loved it and hated it at the same time. It would be too fucking easy to get used to it, and I just couldn’t afford that. Sex was one thing, but this… this could lead to something far more dangerous.

Still, when Konstantin grabbed my hand and squeezed, I felt more tears well up in my eyes. The gesture brought back memories from a happier time in my life, when my mother was still, well, my mother.

“Do it again, please,” I whispered, closing my eyes and inhaling his citrusy scent.

“What?”

“Squeezing my hand. My… My mom used to do it when I was little. She used to say it was to send me some of her strength whenever I needed it.”

Konstantin stayed silent but he did it again, a little longer this time, and I squeezed back.

“Are you… close to her? Your mom.”

“I used to be. Not anymore.”

It was on the tip of my tongue to tell him why. I felt vulnerable, I needed someone to talk to.

“Are you close to yours?”

He thought about it for a few seconds. “Yes. She understands me in ways most people don’t.”

I hated how envious I felt of him at that moment. To have parents he could rely on, siblings that had his back… to have a family that loved him, as fucked up as they all were. I wanted that.

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