Page 20 of Maddog

“For you?” I tried to flash him a grin, but my words came out as breathless as I felt. I wasn’t in a smiling mood. I was nearly desperate to come. “Always.”

“Good. Because I doubt I’ll ever get enough of you, Holly.”

“You’ll always be with me?”

“Always, baby. Nothing could make me leave you. Nothing.” I could see in his eyes and expression he meant what he said. Thing was, Jax had seen me at my worst already. If he still wanted me, I was all in, and I wasn’t asking him if he was sure because then I’d have to decide what I’d do if he changed his mind.

“Good. Now, show me what to do.” It was as much of an order as I was capable of. I was pretty sure it was more of a plea than a demand.

“With pleasure.”

Jax kissed me again. This time his hands touched the skin of my waist and slid up my sides until I arched my back and whimpered into his mouth. He pushed up slightly, grabbed a fistful of his shirt between his shoulders, and pulled it over his head. Then he slid my shirt from my body in a slow, gentle caress.

My nipples were pebbled, and hard, aching points. I arched again, hoping he’d mash his chest to mine so I could rub my nipples over his muscles. Instead, he wrapped an arm around my back and lowered his head to take one breast into his mouth and suck.

I screamed at the foreign contact. I’d always imagined how this would feel, but the experience far outweighed the fantasy. I tightened my legs around Jax, afraid he’d leave. Or, worse, not give me the friction I needed over my clit. That might be grounds for a beating.

Jax’s warm laughter vibrated through my chest. “I know you need friction on your clit, baby. And I’ll give it to you. Just not yet.”

“Oh, God!” I should have been horrified that I’d said that comment out loud, but my brain was scrambled. I shivered and jerked when his fingers caught my nipple between them and gently squeezed and twisted while his tongue flicked magic over the other. “Oh, God! Jax!”

“That’s it, honey. Scream my name. Let me know who you belong to.”

“Only you, Jax,” my voice came out breathy and desperate as his teeth grazed my nipple. He chuckled against my skin, sending shivers down my spine. “I belong to you.”

Lifting his head, he grinned at me with those wickedly beautiful eyes of his. “I’ll never tire of hearing that,” he murmured, pressing a firm kiss to my collarbone. “And so you know and understand, I belong to you, too.”

That made me smile, and a satisfying contentment began to bloom inside my chest. This was where I was meant to be all along. It took time to make the journey. Now that I was here, I wasn’t letting a moment pass by without appreciating what I’d found.

Jax moved his hands down to the waist of my shorts, his fingers caressing my skin over my hips and upper thighs as he slid them off. He sat up to pull them over my feet and toss them to the floor before lying back on top of me once again. A wave of nervous anticipation washed over me. I’d been exposed in front of him before, but not like this.

My illness had left scars from surgeries and chemo ports. But knowing there were scars on my body and actually seeing them were two different things. What if he… didn’t want the reminder?

“Honey, whatever you’re thinking, stop.” Jax didn’t sound angry or impatient. In fact, he smiled at me as he stroked my hair. My breasts were mashed against his chest now, like I’d wanted a few moments ago, but the thought he might not like what he saw when he looked at my naked body, no matter how briefly, had me doubting myself. And him.

“I’m sorry.” I was afraid the tears were gonna start again and did my best to blink them back.

“Why are you sorry.” It was phrased as a demand instead of a question. An order to be obeyed.

“I have scars. You know. From the cancer.”

“Battle scars. Yep.” He gave me a look that said, “And?”

“It was hard. What we went through. And I include you in that because you were the one I always clung to. You saw the very worst of it all. As much or more than my mother sometimes. You were barely an adult. I’m sure you don’t want the reminder of it every time you see me.”

Jax looked at me for a long time. I thought maybe I’d broken the mood, but I could feel his erection through his jeans. He was still hard and didn’t seem to be flagging. “That’s not it.” His confident tone grated on my ears. I hated it when he pulled that superior act. Like he knew me better than I knew myself.

“Is so.” I stuck my chin up defiantly.

Jax chuckled softly, that tender expression still on his face even though he was still as intense as ever. “OK, so let me rephrase. That’s not all it is.”

“Have I ever told you how annoying you are?” My irritation might have been more convincing if I hadn’t been clinging to his arms.

“Every chance you get.” He gave me another brief but tender kiss. “Now, tell me what else is bothering you.”

I closed my eyes, taking a breath before meeting his gaze once more. “My cancer already came back once. Blade said there was a possibility it could recur again. Could you go through all that again with me? Because, if you can’t, you need to tell me now.”

It was Jax’s turn to sigh. I could almost feel the disappointment radiating from him. “Honey. I’m sorry I haven’t made it clear to you. I guess I thought you’d know. No matter what happens, I’m always going to be with you. If you get sick again, I’ll be with you every step of the way. Face it, Holly. You’re stuck with me. As long as I’m alive. You’re stuck with me.”

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