Page 34 of Jacob

Jacob kept his mouth shut.

She sighed. “Yeah. I don’t think so either. Funny to actually hope that someone has been kidnapped.”

“Better than the alternative.”

She nodded. Was silent. Finally she turned to him. “Speaking of unpleasant topics…”

“Yeah?”

“I wasn’t going to talk about this, but I have to, because I can’t wrap my head around it. And, you know. The world might end soon. So. Why did you disappear? Never get in touch? I’m not sure you’d have even contacted me if I hadn’t had this problem. But why? You knew where I was. Black Inc. broke ground a month after I was recruited to the CDC. In fact, it broke ground my first week on the job. I remember reading about it in the newspaper. There was even a photograph of you, but from the back as you planted a tree. There wasn’t a close up. Everyone made the point that you were publicity shy.”

“Publicity averse,” Jacob corrected. He wasn’t shy about anything. “There are valid reasons for my face to be not well known. Security reasons. I have two people in Black Inc.’s PR office whose job it is to keep my face out of the papers.”

“I can sort of understand that. And I can understand that a security company would want to keep individuals anonymous. But you were establishing a branch of your company in Atlanta, presumably since you wanted CDC business. I heard about Black Inc. at the CDC almost immediately. And you said you were familiar with the organization chart. You must have known I was working there. Why didn’t you… reach out?”

Horribly, Alex’s voice broke and she turned away sharply for a moment. She was hurt.

Fuck. She was right to be hurt.

He didn’t have a valid reason. Nothing that made sense.

“I didn’t, ah, know how you’d react. Didn’t know if I, ah, would mess up your private life. Didn’t know what was going on with you. I, ah, didn’t want… didn’t feel…” His voice trailed off because his throat closed up.

“Whoa.” Her eyes widened. “That’s ridiculous. All you had to do was ask. Everyone knew I was single. As a matter of fact—” Alex drew in a shocked breath. “Jake Simpson! Or rather Jacob Black! You wereafraid!You were afraid to approach me. I can’t believe this! Big, strong, powerful Jacob Black,afraidof contacting an old friend. What did you think? That I’d—I’d hit you? What?”

Jacob’s jaw set. He wasn’t afraid of Alex. He wasn’t afraid of anyone or anything. He’d defeated enemies by the score. He’d been in firefights and kept his cool. He’d built a multi-billion dollar enterprise from nothing. He wasn’t afraid.

Yes, he was.

“Yeah,” he mumbled.

Alex cocked her head, cupped a hand around her ear. “Speak up, I can’t hear you. You were?—”

“Afraid.” The word came out between his tightly clenched teeth. It hurt. He said three words he’d never said before to a human being. “I was afraid.”

Any other person would crow. Jacob Black, brought low. But Alex didn’t. She just looked at him and said, softly, “There now. Was that so hard?”

Hard?“Like pulling teeth.”

She laughed. “No, really. Tell me why you never came to me when you knew where I was. I didn’t know at all where you were. In my most depressed moments, I imagined you hurt. Homeless.” She swallowed. “Dead.”

Jacob was ashamed. Ashamed that he hadn’t come forward. Ashamed that he’d let her think the worst. That he’d made her worry for him.

“I think—I wasn’t sure of anything. That you’d want to talk to me. You could be angry. You could have forgotten all about me.” That was one that kept him awake at night. As long as he didn’t contact her, he could convince himself he would, at some point, contact her. Then she would welcome him, it would all turn out ok. It was truly a coward’s way of thinking and that wasn’t him. He’d always faced everything head on.

Except for Alex.

She looked at her hands. “I hadn’t forgotten about you.” Her voice turned husky. “Not for one day.”

Oh God. Jacob turned in his seat, wanted to take her in his arms, but she stood up. “You know what? I’m really tired. It’s” —she checked her watch—“2 am for me. I’ve flown across the country and I’ve had several sleepless nights. I’m really glad at this point that you’re dealing with this too. That I have you, the Queens, this guy Nikolai, on my side. But if I’m to be in any way effective when we land, I’m going to have to sleep some.”

Jacob didn’t want to sleep. He wanted to keep talking to her. ToAlex, something he’d been dreaming about for eighteen years. And then he wanted to take her in his arms, kiss her, touch her. Fuck her.

No, not that. He had plenty of fuck buddies. This wasn’t that. Wasn’t a desire for a roll in the hay to get his ashes hauled. He wanted to make love to her, something he never did. Never wanted to. But he did now.

But—just look at her, he thought. She was pale, with purple shadows under those beautiful eyes. She was standing stiffly upright, something he recognized because he did that, too, when he was exhausted. Kept himself upright through will power alone.

He wanted her with every fiber of his being, but she was nearly falling over with exhaustion. So, nope.

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