Lacking confidence, I grudgingly agree. “If I screw this up, I’m handing her back. So eat fast, baby whisperer.” The few times I’ve checked on Aria in the middle of the night, she’s popped wide awake.
I put my feet up on the coffee table and settle back with Aria on my chest and try to slow my breathing so I don’t disturb her. It’s hard because she’s got herself rolled up in a lump with her bum sticking up and she’s also heavier than the last time I held her. I inhale deeper. She squirms and I have to put my hands up so that she doesn’t slide.
“Infants don’t bite. Toddlers do. You can touch her.” Monty chuckles.
“I am.”
He laughs, tossing back a few kernels. “Want me to save you any?”
“No.”
“Want a beer while I’m up?”
“No.”
“Wanna gas up the jet and get back to living your life instead of acting like a grumpy asshole?”
“Yeah, yeah I do.” I stare into space, unaware I’ve been honest about my feelings until Monty prods my foot with his shoe.
“What’s stopping you?” he asks.
I want to lash out at him. That nudge could have woken Aria up. Instead, I Vanna White the lump of six-month-old sacked out on my chest. “What’s Cassidy going to think when she gets a load of this?”
Monty shrugs. “I meant touring might get you back out of this funk. But sure, let’s talk about Miss. Cavanaugh. Since you brought her up, I’ve gone out with plenty of single mothers, boss. It isn’t as if they parade their kids out on the first date.”
“But you knew about them?”
“Sometimes, yes. Sometimes they didn’t play that hand until it came up in conversation. Nobody wants their kid to seem like baggage.”
“Isn’t that the truth?”
“You had plenty of reasons to stay mum. What do you think Miss Cavanaugh would say? Does she like kids?”
“Cass is great with her niece and nephew.” I acknowledge, thinking back to Christmas Eve.
“Food for thought: Despite what I just said, this kid won’t be around forever. You get eighteen years with her. But while she is around, don’t you think Aria’d be happier if you were?”
I’m between a rock and a hard place. If I want Cassidy, then I have to tell her about the baby. But if I tell her about the baby, then I risk losing my chance with her.
I go to ask Monty if he means Aria would be happier if I were around or if I was happy. But the room is empty. Noise from the TV catches my attention. Party-goers cheer, kissing one another, ringing in the New Year.
A lump forms in my throat. My heart is still back at Kingsbrier… And I’m here with a weight on my chest.
Chapter Twenty-two
CASSIDY
It’s a stroke past midnight. Rhiannon lies next to me. Soggy tissues litter every surface from the floor to the comforter. On the nightstand, they’re arranged like a field of white flowers. An empty magnum of champagne, elevated by the book I haven’t cracked open in who knows how long, shoots up in the middle.
We hadn’t waited for the grandmother clock to chime midnight to open it. Instead, we popped the cork and drank straight from the bottle.
I don’t care that my room isn’t spotless. This isn’t the way I envisioned my evening, or who I thought I’d wind up in bed with.
After Isaiah’s car pulled away from the curb, I called my cousin to tell her I was no longer in a partying mood. Rhiannon came straight away.
I suppose that’s the sign of a true bestie—that they’ll drop everything and bring booze to drown your sorrows in—but she planned to attend the New Year’s bash at the country club stag, anyhow.
Before she got here, Rhiannon changed into her usual loungewear; black yoga pants and black off the shoulder sweatshirt. I suppose her consistency is another thing I love about her.