Page 110 of Rumor Has It

I tug at my scalp, gripping fistfuls of hair and dragging it forward. My nails scrape my skin, which is hard to do since I keep them clipped short.

“She was happy about the baby.”Of the entire conversation with Dillon, those are the words that stick with me.

My wife, who after I’d poured so much into our friendship to make her happy, was happy to ask me for a divorce and raise a child on her own.

Without me.

Without him, too. I guess?

At what point would Kylie have lawyered up and driven Dillon out of the picture?

I stare blankly at the ceiling. The plaster swirls are a familiar sight. In shock and disbelief, I laid on my bed for days after Kylie died. Except the last year has drained me and I haven’t any remaining energy to trace the pattern.

I told Dillon I believed him. There’s no reason to deny it. The paper proves otherwise. Though I’m getting my own DNA test done for confirmation.

Except, if Kylie planned to keep Aria from Dillon, how do I keep her instead?

How do I give my child to the man she’s always supposed to have lived with and know she’s healthy and safe?

Dillon watched Cassidy and me form a family. He indulged us in the lie that Cassidy was a single mother, and he said it himself; he knows how much Cassidy cares for Aria. But what about me? All that time I pretended to just be the boyfriend. Haven’t I cared for Aria, too?

Shame washes over me. I’m disgusted with myself for considering stealing Aria from Dillon. I should have tried harder to find him.

He should have tried harder to find out what happened to his kid.

This disaster is Kylie’s fault. I’m so angry with her. Angrier than I was when she passed away. Because I signed the papers making her daughter an orphan. Kylie put the burden on my shoulders in more ways than one.

Restlessness from righteous indignation keeps me awake. The light coming from the wall of windows changes from blue to lavender to a hazy yellow-red as the sun rises.

The soft click of a door makes me tilt my head. Wearing her rumpled gown and the jewelry I purchased for her, a wary Cassidy approaches me like I’m a wounded animal.

I’m sure she wondered why I didn’t join her after Dillon left and I don’t have the strength to explain I feel like I’ve let everyone down and that maybe I didn’t deserve her comforting me.

Cassidy’s face is blotchy, washed unevenly by her tears. Her makeup is smeared and she has puffy raccoon eyes from crying.

I can’t believe she lets me see her looking this way. Natural. Not hiding who she is or her emotions. Every time I think Cassidy can’t be more beautiful, she proves me wrong.

My tie hangs over the arm of the couch. At some point, I rolled my shirtsleeves to keep from getting hot, though I’ve sweated through my dress shirt.

I twist my lips, and bring my thumb up to stroke my chin. If my hand is close to my face maybe I can stop her from seeing me cry.

But my thumb and my forefinger find my eye sockets and holding back the emotions is useless.

I’m not Isaiah Roomer, country singing sensation.

I’m just Isaiah. A man like any other, who, once again, can’t stop the floor from falling out from under his feet.

“I don’t know how to make it stop hurting,” I choke out. My body quakes with racked sobs as I break down.

She stands before me with a steady hand on my shoulder as I rest my forehead on her stomach.

“I know.” Her voice breaks.

I dare to look up. “Do you know how many women have thrown themselves at me? How many I was attracted to that I turned down to avoid a scandal? I was faithful because she needed good PR. Meanwhile my wife, whose reputation I was looking out for, slept with her manager and the bus driver and whomever the fuck else she wanted!” My ire is misdirected.

Cassidy doesn’t move. The compassion emanating from her surrounds my misery, allowing me to speak without worry or explaining my already overwhelming humiliation.

“It wasn’t part of the deal. Kylie used our friendship and she turned me into a fool.” I shake my head, smashing the wetness from my eyes as I shut them tight. “And the saddest part is, if you dropped me into the past to when we agreed to get married, I wouldn’t hesitate to do it all over again. What does that say about me, Cass? What does it say about my character that Kylie gave me the best gifts I’ve ever received—the chance to be a dad. To watch how selfless you are and to learn that I’ll never love anyone as much as I love you—to have that all ripped away. She’s taking our baby. Ours, chou. Aria is ours. Kylie’s dead and she’s ruining the life I had to rebuild! She’s crushing our dreams. We’re left with less than the crumbs.”

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