Page 21 of Marrying the Guide

“Sweetheart…”

He shook his head. “Don’t. Don’t say it. I can’t bear it.”

Once dinner was over and Onno had loaded the dishwasher with a precision that was true to his character, we settled on the couch with a glass of wine.

“Your place has such a warm vibe,” Onno said, letting his gaze wander over the bookshelves and framed photos of mountain landscapes. He nestled deeper into the cushions, drawing his feet up beneath him in an unconscious display of comfort.

“I was going for cozy.” I tucked a throw pillow behind me for support. “Makes coming home feel like…well, coming home.”

“I have to redecorate my house when I go back. Gerard had specific tastes, and I want it to feel like me now.”

Before, when he’d mention his ex’s name, his face would grow tight, displaying hurt and bitterness, but now he talked about him more neutrally. “I’m proud of you,” I said softly. “You’ve made big strides in your healing process.”

He slowly nodded. “You were a big part of that.”

“I’m grateful I could help, but most of it is you, sweetheart. You’re so much stronger than you give yourself credit for.”

He put down his wine glass and turned to me. “Will you take me to bed?”

I swallowed. In the last week, we’d exchanged more blowjobs but hadn’t done full anal. I was okay with that. Not that I didn’t want it, but the last thing Onno needed was to be put under pressure. “Are you sure?”

“I want you, Howell. In every way. Please show me…”

Show me you love me.He didn’t need to say the words. We both felt them, but by unspoken agreement, we didn’t say them aloud.

“Sweetheart, I—” My voice cracked, thickened with emotion. “I want you too. So much.”

I cupped his cheek, smooth and soft beneath my palm. He pressed against my hand, closing his eyes for a moment as if to savor the touch. When he opened them again, they were alight with affection and a desire that mirrored my own. “Then have me,” he whispered.

It was all the invitation I needed. With a fluid motion, I closed the distance between us, my lips finding his in a tender and fervent kiss. As our mouths moved together, exploring and learning, our bodies followed, drawing nearer until there was no space left between us.

We stumbled to my bedroom between kisses. I flicked on the lights. I wanted to see him, see what I did to him.

“Gorgeous,” Onno murmured, tentatively brushing my chest. His touch ignited a fire on my skin, warmth spreading throughevery fiber of my being. I captured his hands with mine and guided them to the hem of my shirt. Together, we lifted it over my head, the fabric whispering its farewell, exposing my body to his gaze.

My fingers found the buttons of his shirt, undoing each one with deliberate slowness, prolonging the moment. The shirt parted, revealing his pale skin, such a contrast to the dimly lit room. I traced the lines of his collarbone, and a shiver passed through him. He was so beautiful with his smooth skin, long, sleek limbs, and perfect eyes. Eyes I wanted to drown in. Everything about him spoke to me, sang to me.

“Your turn,” I said softly, and with a smile that held volumes of unspoken words, he mirrored my actions, divesting me of my shirt. In between more kisses and caresses, we shed all our clothes piece by piece. There was a reverence in the way he touched me, as if memorizing the map of my body with his fingertips.

Our gazes locked, and time seemed suspended. With each breath, anticipation built, charging the air with electric potential. I stepped closer and wrapped my arms around him, our skin meeting in a flush of heat, our chests rising and falling in sync.

“Are you okay?” I asked, my voice barely above a whisper, and led him to the bed. Onno nodded, his blue eyes shimmering with trust and something deeper, something I recognized as akin to my feelings. Love. We were in love.

“I’m perfect.” The corner of his mouth lifted slightly.

I smiled back, arranged the pillows, and pulled back the sheets, laying a foundation for what was to come. Leaning over him, I brushed my lips against his forehead, a silent promise to honor the gift of his vulnerability.

“Let me take care of you,” I whispered. Such simple words, but they felt like a vow.

I opened the bedside drawer and retrieved the lube but hesitated when I got to the condoms. Going bare seemed crazy this soon, yet…

“I’m tested and negative,” Onno said softly. Even now, we were on the same page.

“Same. So, bare?”

“Bare.”

He spread on his back, letting his legs fall wide as he showed me everything, giving me a view into his very soul. I’d never done this. My ex hadn’t been into anal, but I’d done my research, wanting to know what to do when Onno was ready. Thank god I had. I felt certain, confident, convinced I’d get it right.

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