Page 85 of All Bets Are Off

Rather than recognition of the memory dawning on her features, her cheeks flooded red. “Oh. Yeah. Um…” She shifted on the bench.

“Were you not writing poetry?” For some reason, that was a blow. The mere idea of her writing poetry always filled me with emotion. She was the sort of person who wore her feelings on the outside, so I imagined she would want to put that into words.

“Yeah, I might’ve tried poetry when I was in middle school, but I’m better with numbers than words.”

“Then how come you didn’t want Rex seeing your notebook if it was just homework?”

“Because…” She paused, seemingly making up her mind. “Because I had your name doodled all over my notebook. There were little heart doodles too. I knew if he saw it, he would embarrass me.”

When she turned and leveled a gaze on me, she was practically daring me to make fun of her. “He would’ve shown you the doodles, and I was convinced that I would die of embarrassment. Mom said that wasn’t a thing, but I disagreed. I knew you thought of me as Rex’s annoying little sister. I couldn’t take the thought of you saying that to me.

“And I know you wouldn’t have been mean about it,” she continued. “Somehow it would’ve been worse for you to sit me down and nicely explain why I wasn’t the one for you. So, I lied … and I’m not sorry.” She was defiant.

A fist wrapped around my heart and squeezed. Hard. “Is that true?” I asked finally, my mouth suddenly dry.

“Of course it’s true. I wouldn’t make that up. Not now.”

I tried to picture what my reaction would’ve been if I’d known the truth back then. “I knew you had a crush on me,” I supplied. “I mean … it was hard not to know. You didn’t have a lot of game back then.”

She slapped her hand to her forehead. “Ugh. Don’t remind me.”

I laughed and peeled her hand from over her eyes. “I didn’t go to your house all the time just to see Rex.”

“No, you liked my parents too.”

“I did. They helped me in ways that my parents weren’t equipped to help me. I think they thought I would move beyond Rex at some point. Like … my parents would force me to ice him out. That was never going to happen, though.

“It wasn’t just your parents, though.” Now I was the one who was embarrassed. “I liked spending time with you, too, Livvie. You were just so … pure. Pretense wasn’t a thing with you. My sisters were taught to be pleasing. They were also taught to be predatory, and they took those lessons to heart. You had none of that. You were just you, and I liked you.”

She made a face. “You are not about to tell me that you had a crush on me back then.”

“No, I’m not, because that would be a lie. We don’t lie to one another.” I tugged a strand of her hair behind her ear. I didn’t want anything blocking that amazing face of hers. “I kept tabs on you some when you got older, though. I was always … interested … in what you were doing. I wanted great things for you.”

“Rex never mentioned that.” Her expression was accusatory. Did she think I was lying? Was she mad at Rex?

“That’s because I was careful when I asked. I always let him bring you up first. He probably thought I was being polite. You know how he is. He doesn’t see the bad in people he loves. He can see it with people on the floor, but once you’ve earned his loyalty, he trusts you. He always trusts you. That’s just who he is.”

She nodded. “He’s a good man.”

“He’s a great friend.”

“He’s a good brother, too. He’s going to make a good husband and father one day.”

“I happen to agree.”

“You’ll make a good husband and father one day too if you allow yourself the chance to do it.”

It was the last thing I expected her to say. “I feel as if I want two things,” I admitted. “I want to be in charge of the casino—I know that path was laid out for me, but I think I can do it—but I also want to be different from my father on the home front. Do you think I can do both?”

“Of course I do.” There was no hesitation before she answered. “I think you can be anything you want to be. The thing is, I don’t think Ryder is a crappy dad because he wants to be a crappy dad. He lacks self-awareness, though. Have you ever considered telling him he’s a crappy dad?”

I choked on my biscuit. “No,” I sputtered after she gave me a good thump on my back. “He would not take that well.”

“Maybe it’s not about what he takes well, Zach. You’re the child. Sure, you’re an adult, but he’s always going to be the parent. Maybe the best thing you can do is tell him why he’s a crappy dad, because I genuinely don’t think he sees it. He’s that out of touch with reality.”

“I can’t do that.” My reaction was knee-jerk. “I just … can’t.”

“Okay.” She went back to eating. “It’s up to you. The thing is, you can’t change who he is if he doesn’t acknowledge he needs to change, and he is not the sort of man who is going to sit down and reflect on himself. You and your sisters need to build a wall and don’t let him break through it. That’s the only way you’re going to get somewhere with him.”

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