Page 34 of All Bets Are Off

“And this is what you want to read?” I was flabbergasted.

“Don’t judge.” She snagged the book back. “It’s very good. It’s poignant and funny. The guy in it starts out as a grump but turns into a great partner. You should take some lessons from him.”

“I am not a grump.”

“If the trash can fits.” She pretended to go back to reading. I knew she was pretending because she wasn’t flipping pages.

“What does a trash can have to do with anything?” I demanded.

She made a face. “Um … Oscar the Grouch. Wait.” She held up a hand. “Did you not watchSesame Streetas a kid? That kind of fits. Your parents would not be the type to embrace PBS.”

“What is that supposed to mean?” I was getting incredibly riled up.

“It means that you were never poor. You didn’t have to watch public access television. I bet your parents actually hired people to do puppet shows just for you.”

That was the most ludicrous thing I’d ever heard. “First off, puppets are creepy.”

“I’m a big fan of Grover.”

I pretended she hadn’t spoken. “Secondly, my parents weren’t big on sitting us in front of the television.”

“Because your nanny took you to the park.” The way she said it, I knew it was an insult.

“That’s neither here nor there. I’m not a grouch. In fact, most people think I’m a joy to be around.”

She snorted. “Those people don’t have to live with you.”

“What is that supposed to mean?” If she was trying to get under my skin, she was doing a really good job of it.

“Let’s just say that you’re no Jack Tripper.”

“Who is Jack Tripper?” With every statement, I was getting more and more corked up.

“FromThree’s Company.”

I just blinked.

“It was a television show from the 70s.”

“You watch a television show from fifty years ago?” I couldn’t wrap my head around that in the slightest.

She shrugged. “My mom used to watch it with my grandmother. Before she went to the home. She has Alzheimer’s.”

I frowned. Rex might’ve mentioned that. “I’m sorry.”

“She kind of lives in the past now, so when I visit, I watch episodes with her, just like my mom. She loved Jack Tripper.”

“I still don’t know who that is.”

“He lived in an apartment with two women. Janet and Chrissy. The landlord didn’t believe in men and women living together unless they were married, so Jack pretended to be gay.” She broke off. “Huh, you know, when I think about it, the show was pretty insulting to gay people. It was still really funny, and Jack was an awesome roommate, but it was definitely insulting.”

I planted my hands on my hips. “I guess that means you don’t think I’m an awesome roommate.”

“Not even a little,” she agreed. “You have too many annoying quirks.”

Well, this should be good. “And what annoying quirks are you referring to?”

“You clip your toenails in the living room and don’t pick up after yourself.”

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