Page 48 of One Life to Loathe

“Nobody is happy forever.”

“That’s not true. People are happy forever all the time. I just don’t think you’ve ever seen it before. That doesn’t mean it never happens.”

I considered it for several seconds, then closed my eyes. “That fried dough does look good.”

Jax smirked. “I don’t think that’s what looks good to you, but we can start with that.”

I didn’t have to press him on what he was talking about. I already knew.

Sam. When she smiled, I wanted to smile. When she frowned, it upset me. I was attracted to her. No matter how hard I fought it—and, man, I was fighting it hard—I couldn’t quite seem to get her out of my system. That’s why, even when she was in a bad mood, I pushed her just to get a reaction out of her.

It was when she stopped paying attention that my day turned to crap.

“I can’t give her what she needs,” was all I said.

“You don’t know that,” Jax countered. “Besides, maybe you don’t need to give her what she needs just yet. You could just try not being a jerk.”

“I have been trying,” I protested.

Jax gave me a “yeah, right” look.

“I have,” I insisted. Even I didn’t believe it. “She’s too happy. I’m going to ruin things for her.”

“Dude, you’re already ruining things for her. Maybe try not ruining them for a few days and see how that plays out.”

He was right. Being around Sam when we were playing the “just friends” game had been too much. That’s why I had turned into a jerk again. At least then I was protected. If I opened myself up to her, though, and she was still disappointed … well, then what did that mean?

“This is not a good idea.” I was firm on that. “If we have sex—and that is literally all I can give her—then she’s going to get attached, and when I can’t be the man she wants, she’ll hate me. That’s not going to work out well for this show. I need to stay away from her.”

“Haven’t you been trying to do that?” Jax challenged.

“Yes.”

“Aren’t you both miserable because of it?”

I didn’t like that he had a point. “I’m just not going to be good for her.”

“Stop thinking ten steps into the future,” Jax admonished. “Just be who you are. Stop putting on an act. Sam is a big girl. She can handle big girl emotions. You’re the one acting like a seventh grader with a crush. The only thing you haven’t done is pull her hair to let her know you like her.”

“I haven’t been that bad,” I sputtered.

Jax merely raised an eyebrow and waited.

“I haven’t.” Right? I had been a professional. What if I was the problem, though? “I need a drink.” I started toward the food truck. “Whatever you and your future wife are planning, it’s not going to work. This job is important. I won’t screw it up.”

“If you say so.” Jax’s tone was breezy now. “Let’s just start with drinks and conversation. Maybe if you’re not a jerk for a change, you’ll see that it’s a good start and build on it.”

“I think you’re dreaming.”

“Well, let’s just see who is right.”

14

FOURTEEN

In hindsight I shouldn’t have been surprised to find Leo with Jax. Daisy had been acting shifty in the run-up to their arrival. That was unlike her. Seeing him should’ve made me angry, but the nervous smile he shot me had me taking a step back.

Leo might not have been the easiest guy to get along with, but it wasn’t hard to gauge the trauma bubbling beneath his handsome surface. He had a hard childhood—and that was only what I’d read online—which meant the reality of his upbringing had probably been worse than anything I could imagine. It was no wonder he had a hard, crusty shell. That’s how he protected himself.

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