Page 35 of One Life to Loathe

“That’s it exactly,” I agreed. “I don’t mean to offend people.”

“It simply comes naturally for you.”

Now it was my turn to frown. “There’s no reason to get weird about it,” I complained. “I didn’t mean it in a bad way.”

“Okay.” She smiled. “Tell me how you feel about our scenes today?”

This was a trap. I knew it was a trap. I couldn’t see a way to avoid it, though. “Well, since we’re just supposed to be sparking—” Why did I use that word? Why was I such an idiot? “It’s all going to be mundane dialogue. All the emotion will come from the way we look at one another. It’s in the speakeasy set, so there will be background noise and we have to push through it.”

“Wait … did you actually read the script?” She looked surprised.

“I read it, Sam.” I was growing exasperated now. “Lines have never been an issue for me. I can’t do math to save my life, but I can memorize stuff. That’s how I made it through high school in the first place. I could memorize facts.”

She looked taken aback by my vehemence, and I instantly regretted my tone. I didn’t apologize, though.

“It’s cool you have that ability,” she said. “I wish I did. I have to spend weeks learning scripts. Then it becomes a problem when I have to forget them.”

“Really?” I was dubious. “You strike me as someone who was good in school.”

“I was, but only because I studied constantly. I had zero social life.”

“Are you saying you’re socially awkward?” I grinned at her. I couldn’t help myself.

“You’re way more socially awkward than me,” she complained.

She wasn’t wrong. Iwassocially awkward. I could get away with it, though. “Men are supposed to be quiet and brooding. I’m just following societal norms.”

“Oh, that’s such a load of crap.” She burst out laughing, and it was like seeing the sun after thirty days of gray winter. She was no longer annoyed with me, obviously, so I took that as a win.

“People make me nervous.” I had no idea why I was telling her this. It was something I didn’t talk about with anybody. “I tell myself I’m an actor, though, and to pretend I’m not nervous.”

“And that makes you come across as a jerk,” she guessed.

“I guess.” I played with my silverware. “I don’t actually try to be a jerk.”

“You’re just good at it.” She smiled when she said it to let me know she was teasing.

“I am very good at it,” I agreed.

“We all have defense mechanisms. We also react to stuff in weird ways. If we were all exactly alike, it would be a boring world, wouldn’t it?”

“I guess.”

“No, it totally would be.” She was firm. “Take me for example, I cry when people yell at me. It’s not that I’m necessarily afraid, but I can’t stop myself from crying at the absolute worst moments.”

“Did your parents yell at you a lot?” Opening the door to a conversation about parents was a dangerous, slippery slope. I was the one doing it, though. I genuinely wanted to learn more about her.

“My parents aren’t yellers,” she replied. “They were more the ‘I’m not angry, Samantha, I’m just so disappointed’ types. I actually preferred it when they yelled, which was rare. Disappointing them … well … that’s somehow worse.”

“I’ll take your word for it.” I sipped my coffee and studied her over the rim. For a moment, she looked as if she were about to say something important. I braced myself.

She didn’t, though. She recovered quickly. “They’ve been bringing up my future plans a lot,” she explained. “They know as well as I do that the window is closing for me. I don’t have a lot of time to … do anything of importance.”

It bothered me that she could hear a time clock ticking in her brain. It didn’t seem fair. “Do you really think this is your last shot?” I had trouble wrapping my brain around it. “I mean … really? Because you’re so young. You’re really talented too.”

She made a snorting noise. “You haven’t even seen anything I’ve been in.”

“That’s not true.” I answered before thinking. “I looked up yourLaw & Order: Special Victims Unitepisode two nights ago when I couldn’t sleep. You were really good as the terrorized sex worker.”

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