Page 115 of One Life to Loathe

My heart did a long, slow roll. “Is he already packing to leave?”

“No. He’s upset.”

“He just doesn’t want to be the bad guy.”

“Actually, I think he’s perfectly fine being the bad guy with anybody but you. He didn’t want to hurt you. He’s mad at himself for not telling you right away. You know why he did it, though, don’t you?”

I swallowed hard. “Because it would ruin the time we had left together.”

“I don’t think he was looking at it specifically that way,” she countered. “That was maybe a small part of it, though.”

“How do you think he was looking at it?”

“I think he was genuinely torn by what he thought he wanted and what he knew he needed.”

I tried to make sense of her words. “I don’t even know what that means,” I said finally.

“I know. You’ll see, though.” She patted my hand. “I get why you’re upset. You fell for him.”

“I knew I shouldn’t. I just couldn’t seem to stop myself.”

“That’s how all great loves start.”

“That’s not what we have, though. I fell in love with him and he’s leaving.” I had to force myself not to cry. I couldn’t lookbad the next time I saw him—because we weren’t done filming together yet no matter what—so I had to keep it together.

“I think that you need to open yourself to possibilities.”

“What sort of possibilities?”

“The sort you’re not expecting but will be right there in front of you regardless.”

“I have no idea what that means, and I don’t want to spend a lot of time figuring it out. It’s over. I have to be an adult. I’ll wait until we’re done filming the season to fall apart again.”

Daisy sighed. I could tell she wanted to argue further, but she didn’t. “Fine,” she ultimately said. “Just hold it together for the next few hours. You’re going to regret it otherwise.”

“I have a feeling regret is going to be the name of the game tonight,” I admitted.

“Do you really think you’re going to regret Leo?” She almost sounded sad that I might say yes.

I didn’t have to think hard on my response. “No,” I said in a small voice. “That’s the part that hurts the most. I could never regret him. What we had was too great. It was too special. It’s going to haunt me the rest of my life, though.”

“What’s going to haunt you?”

“Knowing what we could’ve had and lost. One day I’ll see him settle down with another woman, and she’ll get the life I’ll always believe should’ve been mine.”

“Or you could take the life you believe you’re owed,” Daisy suggested.

“What? You think I should force him to stay?”

“I don’t think ‘force’ is the right word.”

“I can’t play the guilt card.” I was resigned to that. “I believe that Leo would stay if I fell apart. He would feel he had no other choice because he’s terrified of hurting me. I won’t be the person who robs him of the future he wants, though.”

“And what if he wants a different sort of future?”

“He doesn’t. I wish he did, but that’s not who he is.”

“Never say never.”

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