Page 110 of One Life to Loathe

“Because she told me it would. She said she was going to develop real feelings for me—she could already tell—and that she didn’t want to feel the pain of losing me. She told me that before we got together the second time.”

“And yet you guys got together anyway.”

“We couldn’t help it. I just couldn’t stay away from her. She made me feel things I’d never felt before.”

“And she felt the same way?”

“We didn’t talk about it. We were careful not to talk about it.”

“Because maybe she was afraid too?”

I cocked my head. “What was she afraid of?” I asked finally. “I mean … other than the obvious.”

“You guys insulated yourselves in a cocoon and made it so you were the only two people who existed. That worked for a time because you could essentially shut the outside world out. That was never going to last, though. You realize that, right?”

“That’s why I’m here. She’s gone.”

To my surprise, Alexander chuckled. “Not that part, you nincompoop. I’m talking about the cocoon. That was the part that wasn’t real. Inside of that cocoon, you guys were as real as possible, but you were on borrowed time because you can’t live outside of the real world forever.”

“Meaning what?”

“Meaning decisions were always going to have to be made.”

“She made the decision. She walked away from me.”

“Geez. Seriously, turn down the drama machine. All she did was run to her hotel room so she could cry without anybody seeing her.”

The words were like a shot to the heart. “Do you really think she’s crying?”

“Are you being serious right now?” Alexander gave me a dubious look. “Of course she’s crying. She just doesn’t want you to know that she’s crying because she’s afraid she’ll be piling guilt on you. She promised to let you walk away when it was time, and that’s what she’s doing. She’s crushed, though.”

I wanted to believe him. Desperately. “How do I make it so she doesn’t cry?”

“First you have to make your decision.”

“I don’t want to give up the movie.”

“Okay. Then that’s your decision.”

“I don’t want to give her up either. I can’t. I … love her.” I had never said that about anybody in my life. Not even my parents before everything had gone to hell. The second I said it, I knew I meant it with every fiber of my being.

“Do you think there’s a way you can have the movie and her?”

“I don’t know. I need to figure it out. I was hoping she could help me do that but…”

“But you wimped out and now you have almost no time to make your decision,” Alexander finished. “Yeah, I’ve got it. What if you have to choose?”

“Between her or the movie?”

He nodded.

“She wins. Hands down.” I didn’t trip over the words as they were coming out. I didn’t even have to think about my answer. “There’s always going to be another movie. There’s only one her.”

“So, that’s your answer.”

“She left me, though.”

“She ran away to protect her heart,” Alexander countered. “Don’t give her grief over that. She’s allowed to save face.”

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