Page 101 of One Life to Loathe

“I don’t remember believing anything. I was incredibly angry.”

“And you felt betrayed,” he surmised.

“Wouldn’t you feel betrayed?” My response came off a little more defensive than I was anticipating.

“I’m on your side,” Alexander reminded me. “When I ask these questions, I’m not judging you. I’m trying to get you to find enlightenment through your answers.”

I slumped lower in my seat. “That’s sounds like a bunch of hooey.”

“And yet I bet you’ll feel better when we’re finished.”

“Ugh.” I rubbed my forehead. “What was the question again?”

“It wasn’t a question, but rather an observation. You felt betrayed when your mother chose your father over you.”

“Yes.”

“Have you felt betrayed in your life other than that moment?”

“I don’t … I mean … I um…”

“You’ve never let anybody get close enough to betray you,” he surmised.

“I guess I haven’t.” It was humbling to realize it.

“When your action heroes got to the end of their movies, what did they find?”

“Um … dead enemies?”

Alexander chuckled. “What else?”

I didn’t immediately answer.

“Perhaps they found acceptance, or emotional victory,” Alexander suggested. “Have you ever been in love before, Leo?”

The question made me itchy. “No.”

“Do you love Sam?”

The question should’ve made me run away. It didn’t, though. “I don’t know. How do you know?”

“You’ll know. It’s okay if you don’t have an answer yet. It’s only been a few weeks.”

“I’m not supposed to love her,” I argued. “We agreed that there was an expiration date on this relationship. Now, here I am wondering if I can find a way to keep her and my other life plan at the same time.”

“What would that look like?”

“What would what look like?”

“You getting everything you ever wanted. If you get your action movies and Sam, what does that look like?” Alexander pressed.

“I don’t think I understand what you’re asking.”

“Right now—don’t take anybody else’s opinions into consideration— tell me what your life looks like in a year if you get everything you want.”

I had to give it some thought because it was something I’d never really considered. I wanted to be a big star. I also wanted Sam. What would the logistics look like, though?

“She likes it here. She wants to stay here.”

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